Odds and Ends

I am just going to come out and say it...this week sucked!  I just was feeling icky.  Nothing in particular, just blah.  I didn't exercise every day, I didn't eat well at all, and I have been pretty cranky.  I just know I have gained back some weight and I am totally afraid to look.  I don't officially weigh until Tuesday so I have a day to pull it together and see if I can reverse the damage.  If I am lucky maybe I will at least maintain.

I need to get back to having smoothies for breakfast.  I just feel like I am hungry within an hour of drinking it so I get discouraged.  I know I need to just have an orange or some nuts to get me through, or more smoothie.  It is way better then cookies or candy.  But I just had an off week.  I know it will happen, but it's early in this process, I expected to make it a bit farther.

Also, we are in the thick of the Revolution around here, I will try to take pictures and post a few this week.  We are reading Johnny Tremain to go along with our study.

Oh, and I can't leave out the fact that LOST is back this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will have more to say about that later.

So, hopefully this will be a good week all the way around.

Resistance

So, my efforts to homeschool have been met with resistance lately.  I am a bit frustrated with that.  My kids have decided that they want to whine and fight me at every turn.  I just got back from that great conference and though the main topic was finding joy in Christ, the underlying topics were about raising kids to see the joy of Christ by modeling it and of course by modeling grace and compassion and I totally feel guilty now for making anyone do anything they don't want to or for punishing any form of resistance because would that be showing the grace and mercy that Christ shows us when we resist his teachings?

I want to show my kids the same mercies God shows me.  But I am not sure what that looks like.  I know He doesn't want me to just let everything get crazy around here with no respect for others.  So we talk about that and we make the kids apologize when they are mean and things, but when it comes to school, they resist.  And it is constant.  You would think after 5 and a half years we would know that this is how it is, but still no.  There is argument.  Especially from my 12 year old.  He starts it.  He thinks he doesn't have to do anything.  And many people will probably tell me to let up, change it up a bit.  Well, believe me, I do.  When he seems bored with worksheets I grab a computer game, when he gets bored with that we use board games or story books, we use all sorts of different methods and still he refuses.  I know it is a character issue.  He even refused to do a bible study my husband wanted to do with just the two of them.

How do we rein this back in after apparently failing to train him to do these things up to this point?  I mean, I never think I do a good job and of course think I have many failures but I thought we were doing a fine job of this character training.

I don't want a robot, but I also want respect.  And I want my son to love to learn and he just pouts, does bare minimum and fights me all the way. (and, to be honest, my husband just yells at him and commands him to respect and obey his mom. well, it's not working and I don't think that is the right approach.)

this is just a rant.  I have heard it all from my support group moms, but if anyone has a fresh idea, I'd love to hear it....especially if you've had a difficult 12 year old :)

weigh in

well, I lost 1.4 lbs this week.  I had of course hoped for more since I started working out this week, but since I didn't eat the best while away this weekend, I can see how I might not have lost much.  I am just happy I lost something.  So, I am continuing with the working out with the Biggest Losers Cardio max and eating smoothies for breakfast.  My salads for lunch haven't been working out because with in an hour of them I was so hungry I wanted to eat everything in site.  so I am still trying to com up with heathy lunch options or ideas on how to make the salad heartier but still healthy.  And I have been doing well on dinners which is somhow easier.  I think it is because I don't like to cook much at lunch time.  I want something fast and easy because we are homeschooling and the little one naps and I just feel like I don't want to cook a big meal and then again for dinner.

Anyway, unless I really ramp it up in the food restriction and excersize this week I probably won't make my goal of 10 lbs this month.  I have 4.4 lbs to go and I haven't lost that much in one week yet.  But I will keep plugging away and we will see what happens.

Go to Eclipsed for more weigh ins

things that make me go hmmm...

WOW I went to this conference this weekend and had an amazing time.  I learned so much and just love the time to refresh and refocus.  I have more I want to express about that later.  There are so many ideas and things in my head that I need some time to think through and get everything in line.

But I didn't eat very well while on my little retreat.  I mean, I didn't pig out or anything, we just ate out a couple times and I tried to make good choices, but I gave in and got fries once.  I did stop when I was full which was good.  But the choices weren't always the best.  Anyway, we will see.  I am back to it today and had a smoothie for breakfast.  An hour later I am feeling a bit hungry.  I need to go right now and do my workout because if I don't it will get pushed back and I know myself well enough to know it will end up undone.

 So, for this weeks challenge... well, I have found this great lady and we are kind of following each other for some encouragement and then there is a friend in real life I have been trying to get to join me, but she is hesitating because she wants a PLAN.  SO, while I work on her I will have to rely on you bloggers for support.  And I have done some eating out and not always making the healthier choice so this week I will plan on finding the healthiest choice as Kris suggests.  Of course I am also continuing to just loosely write down my eating to keep myself accountable and I am working out and hope to add a day or two of swimming this week.

Revolution!

So we have been working our way through American History with Homeschool in the Woods Time Travellers series.  It is a great program and we have loved it.  There are lots of projects and we can choose what fits our schedule as well as interest.  Starting Monday we began the American Revolution.  I love the Colonial period which we just finished. (and which technically isn't over since the revolution happened during that time, it is just broken up for ease) My twelve year old wasn't too interested in quilting bees, samplers and how they cooked the christmas goose.  But boy, my 9 year old daughter and I have had a blast!  She is still working on her sampler, maybe I will take a picture and post it this week. 

Anyway, I think Jordan will love what's coming because it is about WAR!  And what self respecting twelve year old boy doesn't like war?  We will discuss weapons and strategy, battles, strengths, weaknesses...makes ya feel like grunting and rolling in the mud doesn't it?  Well, I hope we learn a lot in the next few weeks.  Along with the history we have our regular "core" studies such as math, handwriting and language arts.  I am going to try something new for our bible studies.  I really slack in this area.  I mean, we pray, talk about bible stories and I do a lot of reading of bible stories from different kid bibles.  My favorite is The Jesus storybook bible.  So I got these individual studies for  boys and girls from here.  I'll be honest, I got them a while back but my kids don't really get this kind of thing.  I don't know how to impart to them that a lot of it is your opinion and how God is speaking to you and there isn't always a right answer.  My son Jordan really has a problem with this.  But we will work through it. 

I do feel like I slack in the christian ed portion of my schooling, and that is a huge reason we homeschool.  But somehow, just using biblical examples in math and copying scripture for handwriting isn't quite enough.  I am wondering... what do you use? and what have you loved?

weekly weigh in

So, I bought a new scale a couple of weeks ago when I decided to get serious about this.  I had an old one with the spinning dial and it said it went up to 300 lbs but I will tell you, it never weighed me properly.  My husband claimed it was fine for him (but upon using the new one he was shocked to have gained 20 lbs in 5 mins) So I am under the impression that being brand new, this scale is correct.  Am I wrong?  I mean, I will weigh myself one day and get totally different numbers.  I know weight can fluctuate in a day, even over several days but as of yesterday I was holding steady on my weight and today I show loss.  Today is my official weigh in day so I of course am glad the number is lower today, but I am a bit nervous that maybe my scale is not really correct.  I am going to just go with it for now (since it's going down hehe).  Today I show 282.8 so that is 2.2lbs lost this week.  I am hoping that the addition of actually working out this week will give me a big number next week. 

I had been over here and noticed she has broken down her weighloss into smaller chunks each month and put them on her sidebar.  What a great idea!!!  I look at 100lbs and think there is no way I can do that.  but if I look at 8 lbs this month, well that certainly is doable.  WOW!  That has changed my life, seriously!  I was already struggling with the enormity and the fear of failure that I was not really giving this my all.  I was already falling because who wants to start climbing a mountain when they can't even see the top?  But now, I just need to make it up this small incline.  I should know this stuff but sometimes I just get in my way.

So, I am going to take this simple idea and run with it.  I am making smaller goals so I can make it through.  The first is that I have already lost 4.2 lbs this month and would like to lose 10 total this month. I am almost halfway there!

See Eclipsed for more weigh ins.

menu

I don't think I am doing anything profound or fancy but since I like to know what others are eating (especially while losing weight) I figured I would post about my meals.

Mon-Tonight we are having some salmon.  My parents went to Alaska and caught these themselves and we have had a bunch in our freezer.  I don't love it.  But I can tolerate it.  Maybe I need a good recipe hehe.  And with that I am serving some brown rice.  I make the rice by sauteing the dry rice with some olive oil, onion and garlic, oh and celery if I have it.  then I put it in a pot with the right amount of veggie stock and simmer for 30 mins or more til tender.  And I will probably make frozen peas cause my kids love them (an I will be lucky to get anyone to eat the salmon)

Tues- We will have hamburgers made with the beef from a quarter steer we bought last year.  We know where it cam from and what it was fed and how it died.  I love that! With this I will make some big chunky fries (which I will only have a couple of) by cutting some yukon gold potatoes into 8ths and sticking them in a bag with some olive oil and Mrs Dash.  shake it up and lay out on a cookie sheet or 9x13 pan.  bake for 30-45 mins.  I have some corn on the cob from last summers farmers market that will be added as well.

Wed- BLT's on homemade bread with all natural bacon made without nitrates and nitrites.  we will have some carrot and orange bell pepper spears and maybe a fruit salad

Thurs- I will make a crustless quiche.  I start by sauteing olive oil, onion, garlic, til tender then add a few chopped mushrooms.  when they are soft I add a couple of big handfuls of spinach.  cook til it wilts then put that in a pie dish.  I sprinkle that with some feta cheese and then whisk 5 eggs with a dash of milk pour over the cheese and bake.  I think it's 350 for 45 mins. then I will whip up some home made biscuits (for the kids and hubby).

Fri- I will be gone for dinner (at a conference for Christian mothers) but will thaw some homemade chili I had left last week.(I cooked the beans and everything!) for the family. Not sure what I will be eating while at the conference.  I probably won't be great but I will try to have portion control and pick wisely what to eat.

I will post more here about other menus as I go.  I like to make my own homemade refried beans and we do eat a lot of beans around here :)  They use butter and are very good and easy.  And I make bread once or twice a week.  I need to cut back on the amount I eat, but it is whole wheat and I know all the ingredients so I know my family is getting good things to eat.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I will be planning on making smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch (though I was starving not long after today's so we will see what I can do to help ramp it up tomorrow).  I would love to know what kinds of things others are eating on this quest for health and weightloss...

well, screaming toddler at my feet means time to go make dinner

weekly challenge

I did ok on recording my food last week, but with a couple sick days for me and everyone else, I kind of lost a couple of days.  I got back to writing it down but sadly we didn't eat well this week.  Mostly it was a fend for yourself, eat whatever you can keep down kind of week and so it was hard.  I snacked, and ate things I shouldn't, and didn't pay much attention to my eating.

SO, this week I am determined to make this happen!  I still am focusing on whole, natural foods.  I am going to make myself smoothies for breakfast M-F.  The kids will either eat smoothies with me or homemade granola.  I plan to have a salad for lunch.  Kids will get their normal stuff (sandwiches, burritos, carrots, apples).  Dinners I will make for the family with whole foods and natural ingredients ( I can post a menu later if anyone cares).  Snacks will be raw nuts, fruits and veggies.  Again, making sure to control portions will be a big focus, as well as snacking on the good foods (there are no more Christmas cookies, Carmel corn, or treats of any kind in this house) the closest we come is some trail mix which has some chocolate in it.  But I am considering that an ok snack because I will crave the chocolate if I don't get it and I hope this helps keep me from devouring a pan of brownies or something :)

For this weeks challenge I am definitely starting a workout time every morning (M-F) I was going to start with 15 mins and work my way up but since Kris asked for 30, I will start there.  I have an old workout video with some bands that I am going to do.  I may try to find The Biggest Loser jumpstart video if I am out.

I have already started to blog my journey and am starting to touch on some of my "issues".  I will continue to do that.

I plan on this week being a great week and I plan on having a big number to report at the end of it!

CONFESSION

I have been wanting to write this post all week but with the sickness hitting I just didn't get to it til now. 

I was watching The Biggest Loser on Tuesday night and when it got to the part where Jillian had to eat some of the food the Orange team ate, I recognized many of those things.  They are from that fast food place with the big BELL in its logo, you know, they serve tacos and other Mexican fair.  Well, then Jillian starts looking at that stuff with this disgusted look and when she eats it she gags and throws up!  (Part of me wonders if that is a bit staged or over dramatized on her part for effect.)  But then it hits me, as she is saying how could these people eat like this, it isn't even food, that I LOVE fast food.  Jillian is saying how can they eat it and I am thinking, 'cause it's good. 

I am a fast food junkie.  I like to cook with whole foods and eat natural sugars and then, let;s say, on Friday we go out for lunch or Sunday after church we grab a quick bite, or even a Tuesday night when we have been on a field trip and I am tired we pick up Chik-fil-a for a treat and because "it's better then McD" right? Is it?  But I kind of like the McD and the Bell and many others.  I know they aren't good for me, but it's not like I eat there every day right? Oh, and I couldn't even pretend I was doing well by ordering the fruit cup or the yogurt or something else masquerading as healthy, no I have to have the fries and the burgers with the sauces, cause it's a treat, and if I am already eating here, I might as well indulge, right?  Yeah, indulged my way right up to over 280 lbs I did.

Well, I am watching Jillian get sick and thinking, what does she eat?  Doesn't she ever get cravings for anything bad for you?  What is her idea of indulging?  I mean, I know what healthy eating looks like, for a day or two, but I don't always feel like eating a slice of grilled chicken and a salad with lemon juice squeezed on it.  I know there are many ways to make healthy low calorie foods with out it being boring, but I like the way the junkie foods taste and if the option is a big mac or a grilled chicken breast, I want the mac. And for someone addicted to fast food it is a lot of work to plan and fix those healthy meals and make sure those snacks are on hand and though I don't like the excuse of not being able to get the kids to eat it, sometimes they just won't eat it.  And so I am a little on edge because even a week and a half in and I want some of the food from that Bell place.  MMMM I could go for some right now....

But I digress....

ok, so what to do?  I guess right now I really don't know.  I have been working on this for so long, my whole life, and I am tired.  I am tired of having to think about it.  I hate that every waking moment is consumed with what will the next meal be.  I have to shop for the food and prepare the food and eat the food and clean up the food and store the food and I have to do it every single day.  And I am tired.

I used the word addicted back there.  I guess that is the thing.  Right there in black and white.  Addiction. Hmmm, maybe that is another post. 

For now I will leave it at this.... this is a long hard road, and it won't be easy.  Lots of changes to come. I pray I can break the hold that fast food has on me and that I can truely enjoy some of the healthier options.

ICK

well, we have all been sick this week.  with a stomache bug.  SO, not much has gotten done around here.  Very little schooling, not much cooking, or eating for that matter.  Today is clean up day now that everyone seems to be feeling better.  I have a bit of a lingering headache but that could just be a bit of dehydration.  I am drinking lots of water.  Along with clean up will be looking at what foods we have and what is needed to get back on track after a long week of piecing together food for whoever was up to eating at the time.  Then on to the store.

Weekly weigh in

I have been giving my eating habits a concentrated effort for one week now and I am glad to say I lost 2 lbs.  I did have some times of weakness but overall I reduced my portion sizes, opted for fruit over cookies sometimes, and am making this process a priority.  I think it was a pretty good week.  This coming week I was hoping to add some movement into my days but I now have a sick kid and expect the others to follow.  so I think I will concentrate on maintaining and surviving the week.  I guess the upside if I do get sick would be not eating, maybe I will lose more this week LOL.

See how others are doing over at Eclipsed

Gratituesday

I sit here after a long night with my 9 year old throwing up.  I am tired.  She is probably more so.  I figure this will be a long week, because it will inevitably pass through the whole house.  But I am sitting here thinking of the last time we were all sick like this.  It has been quite a while.  And I am thankful for that.  Then I remember that I have passed through several of these episodes in the last few years without totally getting sick myself.  And for that I am very thankful.  I hope this will be one of those times I can escape it.  I would be so grateful.

see what others are grateful for today

weekly challenge

I have been following this weight loss blog and it was my inspiration to kick start myself into being serious and purposeful in my weight loss path this year.  She is issuing challenges each week as well as encouragement.  I am finding it fun to have this kind of support.  I have no friends in real life that I believe understand or are on the same journey.  So I will continue to follow and post and link while I lose!

I have been recording my eating in a food journal.  I just opened the notepad on my desktop on my computer.  I made a little icon so I just click and type, save and I am set.  It has been a great way for me to go back over the week and see what I have been doing.

My goal is portion control and eating whole, natural foods.  I can't do weight watchers or calorie counting.  It doesn't work for me.  I have tried those methods and I feel deprived and ...well, I feel trapped.  So, my focus has been for a long time on trying to incorporate healthy, whole foods into our diet while removing processed foods.  I have decided that is my focus now, but with more portion control and control or "treats".  Because lets face it, no matter how natural the ingredients, or how many "good" ingredients in a cookie, if I eat the whole batch in a day, I won't lose weight.

I think I will continue to write down what I eat.  I think that keeps me accountable.  This week as I was going to get something to eat I would think, do I want to write this down.  and it stopped me a few times from eating something I shouldn't, or eating MORE of something then I needed.

that's what I'm doing this week.

For Sale

Well, our house went on the market finally!  I hope and pray it sells quickly and we can move on with our lives. 

I did recover yesterday, but today I feel ok, it's just that I couldn't be motivated to do much.  We got our learning in pretty well, but my cleaning and purging I am supposed to be doing kind of fizzled.  I have been on such a roll, guess it had to end sometime.  I was just feeling the snowball effect I think.  Like I can't clean this and put it away because I need something downstairs to be cleaned up and before I do that the couch has to move and to do that I need my hubby and when he gets home there isn't time yada yada yada...

so nothing got done.  Oh and it doesn't help that every time I get a room neat and vaccuumed, I go to the bathroom and come back to a disaster!  I know that it is because I have small children, but come on!  one day!! could I have even the illusion of progress for one day??

and something I hadn't thought much about til right now (because my stomache is growling) is that I have been making a concious effort to eat better.  my focus this week has been on simply eating less.  I am not totally restricting my eating (I had a handful or two of carmel corn) but I didn't eat the entire package, something I normally would have done. so I am starting with eating mostly what I normally would, but just less of it.  And another big change, is if I do feel very hungry inbetween meals I eat a CUTIE (manderin oranges).  they are in season and super sweet these days (though not local of course which vexes me so)

anyway, I guess what I was trying to say is that eating less and being hungry sometimes during the day could be a bit draining.  I am trying to remember to take vitamins to help (whole food vits).  but until my body gets used to it and I lose a bit, or I find another energy boost, I guess I will have to push through as not to lose too much momentum on the cleaning.

I still want to post my new school schedule and routines, but I have a date with my hubby (late night LOST catch-up before the new season)

more

I need more time, more energy, more focus, more coffee LOL

I woke up feeling dreary this morning.  The weather is foggy and cold wich usually I love.  But today I woke up with a headache and feeling unrested.  I don't want to excersize, I don't want to work on cleaning, I don't want to do devotions or homeschool.  I want to read, go back to bed....

I need some more sleep!!

ok, so instead, I am going to go take my vitamins and drink a big glass of water.  then I am going to start some laundry and get the kids focused on school.  Then, to help me refocuse on school I will be writing out a list of our curriculum and our goals by the end of this school year.....I'll be back!

the number

A friend of mine asked me, a couple of years ago, if I would go on the Biggest Loser with her.  I am not sure if she was serious, but I laughed.  I said there was no way I was standing half naked on national television and letting the world know my weight.  But tonight I sit here and watch the season premier, I am struck that it does take courage.  Courage to be on tv, but courage to take the first step.  People have been on the show and you can tell they don't get it.  Then you see a young girl cry when she sees the number.

I cry  when I see the number.  I don't want to face the number.  I don't feel like that number.  It doesn't define me....or does it? 

I don't want to live in the shadow of a number.  So as part of my resolve to lose weight, I am going to announce my numbers.  I hope it will inspire me, at the least motivate me. And I hope it will get smaller in the process :)

today isn't the beginning of my journey.  I have been on this journey my whole life.  but I hope today is a turning point.... today I am 287 lbs.

Resolve

so I have been thinking about resolutions...to resolve to do something. I don't want to be cliche, but I resolve to loose weight this year (more specifically be healthy).  I resolve to deepen my relationship with my Creator.  I resolve to live in the now . I resolve to be a better wife and mother. I feel like I can't make these decisions.  It will mean failure when I don't meet those goals. I have already resolved to fail.  WHY?

I want to meet these goals.  I don't want to give up before I have started.  I have some ideas, and some blogs I am following for help.  I want to blog my journey, for better or worse.  I want to succeed...I resolve to succeed!