I have not written here in a very long time. last I updated we were in the beginning of some very long waits. I was angry at the system... I still am. but I had to take a break from sharing. I still stalk all facebook adoption boards to keep up on timelines and any and all tips about travel, adoption and of course getting to know your child.
but I was finding myself so focused on how bad the system was ...is...and I wanted to change things! I was angry that everyone's answers were just...that's the way it is...everyone goes through this...hang in there...
you see, the problem is, you do what you have to, pay what you have to....and when you get your child you are so happy, you don't look back. it's over. phew...
I knew as angry as I was, that would be me too. who has time to fight the system? or the energy? or the know how?
I had to pull back and try hard to focus on the next thing. and sometimes the next thing was just getting through our schoolwork. sometimes it was planning meals, or a trip or simply holding my babies tight....sometimes it was crying ...
so, a lot has gone on since I went silent...
we got our I800a approval on march 5th I think. then lots of paper trading and finally our paperwork was sent to China (DTC) 4/1.
then it took 24...yes 24 loooong days for us to be logged in to the system. you see you can't officially start your wait for approval until you are logged in (LID). that happened on 4/24.
then a whopping 26 days for us to be out of translation (OOT). once you are OOT you are "in review". and there we remain.
it has been 67 days since LID. the averages are 44-88 days the agency keeps reminding me. so we are in the normal range. this somehow doesn't comfort me.
no, what I think about is a little girl, waking up right about now. with no one to delight in her. no one to help her greet the day and all its potential, and her potential.... I think of how lonely that must be. and when I wake up tomorrow, on day 68...I will be thinking of a little girl who has to go to bed with out the prayers of a mother who loves her and asks God's protection and guidance for her as she sleeps and dreams.
my heart breaks each and every day for this little girl who doesn't even know she is missing these things.
I am still angry at the process, but now I am just an aching heart desperately waiting for each next step to get me closer to showing this precious girl she is not forgotten by the God who made her...she is loved...she is wanted...and she is saved!
