Thanksgiving

We just read a book called 1621: A New Look at Thanksgiving.  I have known for a long time that the original story was much different from the distorted "cleaned up" version we all learn as children.  And the story of what is considered the first Thanksgiving isn't even that terrible.  It was a harvest celebration by the English.  The natives came to see what the commotion was (thinking maybe they were preparing for war) and when they realized it was a celebration, they stayed and participated.  Kind of a diplomatic meeting.  But because of the soon after tragedies inflicted on those peoples and others through out north America in the years to come, I can see how they could feel Thanksgiving isn't really a reason to celebrate. 

The book is great at offering a lot of fact and it was a nice study, a bit more in depth then what we are used to.  I definitely don't want to sugar coat what actually happened when the English invaded this country and basically took it over from it's original native peoples.  I want my kids to know the truth.  But I also believe that a national day of giving thanks isn't a bad thing.  I know this holiday gets over looked as there isn't much to market besides food.  But I think the best thing we can do is to thank God for the blessings in our lives.  No, we don't need a holiday to do it.  Any day will work.  But there is something special about a day that is set aside for remembering to be thankful. 

That is the attitude I want to plant in my children.  To be grateful and to count their blessings.  (And hopefully they can learn not to step on the dreams of others at the same time.)  So learn the history behind the holiday, but don't let it dampen the spirit of gratitude that this holiday can help us to remember year after year.

I need this post

I was just reading this post and I haven't even wrapped my mind around it yet.  But I know I need to answer the questions and think on the truths expressed.  I will be back to it often as I seek His will and my renewed forward motion that I am having so much trouble capturing.  I want to live in His will and I am never sure that I am.  And so I need to pray.  That is the answer...pray.

Busy busy

Wow!  we had such a busy weekend!  Friday I had Bible study and was also making food for friends coming over as well as for our Fall Feast on Saturday (cause I wasn't home all day Sat).  We had our friends over and got to meet their wonderful newly adopted son which was such a joy! We really enjoyed that evening!  Then my mom showed up just as the were leaving.  She came to spend the night because there was some snow and we had big plans the next day so she made sure to be there. 

Saturday morning saw some snow but not as bad as predicted I think.  So mom and I headed to our Holly Daze scrapbooking crop.  For the whole day!  It was so nice.  I haven't done much on my scrapbooks in probably 5 years.  There is a lot of catch up to do but it was easiest to start on Emma's baby book. (I haven't even done Gabe's yet, but one step at a time)

We had a great time chatting and eating and working on our projects.  I really miss my mom.  She is only 2 hours away, but sometimes that feels like a lot.  I really enjoy her company.  So the day seemed to go too quickly and soon it was time to head home.  When I got home my wonderful husband was already warming the soup I had made the day before for our feast.  So I changed clothes, said good by to my mom.  She was heading home before any more snow hit and we were off to our feast.

The set up was already underway when we showed up at church.  It all came together beautifully and the tables looked great.  The food was good and the performers did an excellent job.  We have some very talented kids in our homeschool group.  Megan performed a favorite piano piece "Little Green Frog".  She did it beautifully. I am very proud of her.

Well, long night of clean up and we went home and went to bed.  Sunday came and back to church but the afternoon was lazy and unproductive.  I felt so bad we weren't doing anything...but sometimes a little rest is what is called for after such a busy weekend.

Gratituesday: My Husband

I am so thankful for my husband who loves me as Christ loved the church.  He has sacrificed so much for me lately and I am so grateful.  I never imagined he would be so generous and still love me even when I ask so much of him.  I won't go into too much detail, but if you read some earlier posts about us moving and then moving back, you will see that my husband, though not excited, wanted to make me happy and provide what I needed both times. Of course he works hard everyday for our family and so I can stay home and home school.  He is truly selfless and I love him more each day!

Head over to Heavenly Homemakers to see what others are thankful for or leave your own post on gratitude.

Heavy subject

  I am feeling very run down.  My body is giving out on me.  I am feeling the weight of my...weight.  I have always been over weight.  Sometimes more then others.  I think I have been a been heavier then I am now, but not by much.  I have always felt pretty healthy and strong though.  until now.  I am discouraged because I have no energy.  I know that exercising is supposed to give you energy, but it is so hard to get started.  I need a good kick in the pants I think!

I think I need help is what I am saying.  Doing this on my own just isn't an option any more.  I know I need to eat better, but my will power isn't there, and I know I need to exercise, but again, no motivation.  I do not want to use any kind of artificial weight loss method...that means no gimmicks, no fad diets(or fake supplements), no surgeries.  But that also means no quick fix.  This is a long hard road to loosing at least a hundred pounds. 

Brendan wants to help but I guess I feel like he is being bossy and judgemental when he says "do you really need that extra helping?"  So I can't have him be anything but a cheerleader.  I have friends who need to loose weight too, but I feel like they, like me, struggle with motivation and will power and in the past I have found them to not be as helpful.

So what do I need?  I'd love to have a Biggest Looser environment with out the embarrassment of national television.  I need a scheduled time for exercise.  I need good solid, healthy, meal plans I can stick to.

I want to be better.  I want to be healthier.  I want to be thinner and have more energy for my family... but I am tired.  I have always had to deal with this and I am tired of it.  I obviously haven't do a very good job, but still I am tired of dealing with it.

I will probably continue to address this subject...hopefully with a more positive outlook, and a plan.

Giveaway!

I was just reading about this great giveaway. I have been reading Hip Mountain Mama's blog for a couple of months now and am really enjoying her natural take on things.  I strive to better myself by trying to chose more eco friendly ways of doing things and buying local, reused and sustainable items.  So go ahead over and get yourself entered too!

puking pumpkins

So here are a few of our pumpkins.  The boys saw this and had to do it too. ICK!  But that's boys for ya.
Here is Megan's....

I carved this one...

And here's our little goblins.... ready for their sugar rushes...

Aniken, pirate, clone trooper and ladybug.

Snow day

So yesterday was a snow day around here.  Many things were closed though not everything.  But Bren got to stay home from work so were were glad for the day together.  Since things have been busy around here, we took the opportunity to carve our pumpkins.  The kids always balk over touching the goo inside, but lucky for me they dig in anyway. I was so nervous because my husband just hands them the knife and says start carving!  Every slice had me flinching and ready to rush to the emergency room (that would have been fun!).  But in the end they all did a fine job.  Since it was snowy we didn't set them all up on the porch yet,  hopefully it will be melted enough by tomorrow for us to do that.  Then I will take a picture and post it, because really you need the full affect of the extra "props". 

The great thing about homeschooling is that we don't get snow days :)  The kids don't think it is that great, but I love that something like this actually gives us more time together and new fun things to do and learn as a family.  Because Brendan was home the kids got to do some art with him.  They took the time to get out the oil pastels and practice with them when normally I don't have them out for fear of a little one getting ahold of them.  But because we could have separate time with dad it facilitated some extra learning.  Oh and don't forget the lessons involved in building structure.  I mean you have to learn that you can't stand on top of a snow fort, it will colapse! hehe

Here they are playing in the snow with the neighbors as it was melting this morning.

It's a....

LITTER!  Godiva did indeed give birth in the wee hours of the morning after laboring all night.  I was up with her most of the time because she was a little panicky. We saw the first little head pop out about 5:30 am.  Then within an hour we had 3. There was a long pause and more were born around 9am then a few more sporadically until about 12:45 pm.We had a total of 9 puppies born but one didn't make it.  The fourth born, like I said was born after a long gap and we considered maybe she was done, even though that is a small litter, so we let her outside to go.  We watched closely and she paused and sniffed the spot (by the was did I mention we are in the midst of a blizzard?) so Jordan put shoes on and ran out sure enough finding a puppy in the snow!  So we have named him blizzard.  the last puppy born was also not breathing like the one we lost.  I spent a good amount of time rubbing her but it seemed like a lost cause.  I didn't want to break any ribs or her neck or anything, but I figured I could rub hard because she was already dead right?  well I kept persisting and after a long while got a faint gasp.  Her gasp was raspy and sounded like fluid.  I thought maybe it was a reflex since I was rubbing her diaphragm.  I let Godiva lick her a bit and then would rub her some more and she was taking more raspy breaths!  I didn't think there was anything else I could do so I left her with the others figuring there was no way she could fight to nurse, but I let Godiva just lick away.  We named her hope because we hoped she would live.  I made some lunch and went back asking where she went and found out she was fighting to nurse like the rest!!!  She still had a labored breathing pattern, but when put to the nipple she sucked (I helped fight off older siblings).  So far she looks and acts like the rest...what a miracle!

So, we ended up with 8 puppies at the end of the day.  There are 6 girls and 2 boys!  They look like black labs, so unless the colors change as they grow, we may never know what the father was.  Oh well, they are cute as can be!  And they are ready to go home in eight weeks...anyone want a puppy for Christmas??

oops

so Godiva, our chocolate lab is about to have puppies.  Any day now.  In fact I think it could be tonight.  She has been digging and breathing heavy and her ears feel cool though I haven't taken her temp. I am sad for her because she is 8 and a half.  That is too old to have puppies.  When we moved to Bennett we talked about getting her fixed.  We had no fences and we just knew that was a disaster waiting to happen.  But with all the other things going on it wasn't a first priority.  And besides, I paid close attention in the beginning and she never ventured far.  She was so good about sticking close to the house.  Wow!  How lucky. 

So I got comfortable and lo and behold one day she went into heat and the next she vanished,  Eventually sauntering home at 11pm!  So the next day I watched her closely and only let her out to do her business and right back in.  But, helpful children who walk by the dog scratching at the door let her out so she wouldn't make a mess on the floor....GREAT!  Midnight rolls around and we are out calling for her.  This goes on for a few more days.  One morning Bren woke up and was startled by what he thought was a coyote sniffing at the garage door where the dog is kept.  Well, by the end of that week Godiva no longer wandered and never did again the rest of the time we lived there.

Sixty-three days later here we are.  With an old dog about to pop.  I feel sorry for her.  I do love birth, and puppies, so I am trying not to be too down.  I hope Godiva will be fine.  She is old, but still strong.  The kids are thrilled.  But taking care of puppies is also messy and a lot of work.  So we will see how the next few days play out.

what to write?

I sit here pondering what to write.  I have many things, some profound, some mundane, that could be wrapped up in neat phrases and set to this page.  I want to write things worth reading.  I read many blogs and get inspiration from most.  I wish I could write like that, to inspire.  I am not a natural writer.  I enjoy journaling and maybe that is more what this should be, just a journal.  But writing a daily journal feels dull.  I could write about what we had for breakfast, about our shopping trip and about my darling four year old who is obsessed with Star Wars. It would be a fun thing for me to read later, but would anyone else want to read it?  I feel like most blogs I read who have a following, they are writing to an audience.  So maybe my writings here should be focused on finding an audience.  Who would I speak to?  Could I inspire others?

clutter

Well, I am trying to unpack now that we are back in our old house. It was easy at first, everything already had a place here so I should be able to get it back in that place. Then I got to the boxes that were just thrown together. No real place. Just random things collected from around the house, mostly toys. I want to simplify. That is what I have wanted for a long time now. Less stuff! Wow, but that is hard. As I go through some of the things I think, "I can't throw THIS out." Well, a few tons of stuff later here we are.

SO how do you do it? How do you declutter and keep only what you love? What if you love lots of things? I have many things that have sentimental value. And then there are the things I would gladly move on from, but the kids or the husband MUST have it. sigh.

That is my goal for the next few days...to declutter, simplify, and start to create (re -create)some daily routines for my house keeping so it flows more smoothly around here. It is overwhelming so I am trying to take it one step at a time.

we did it

Well, after much prayer and contemplating, we moved back to the old neighborhood. We abandoned our dream of the country life. It was just nothing like we thought and we were so overwhelmed by so many things we didn't expect. It is so nice to be back in our old house. We still have a lot of work to do. We have to sell the house in the country and that may be a hard task in this economy. But we trust that God has been leading us and He will continue to do so. All we can do is trust that this part will be taken care of in the same way.

I am getting unpacked and enjoying having things the way they were. I am having a good time getting back into all my old routines (but hopefully not the bad habits) and I am enjoying being close to things again.

I am not sure why were have been taken on this roller coaster...but I keep trusting there is a reason.

reality bites

so I have wanted to live a simpler life. I wanted to grow my own food and raise some too. I wanted to live out where there was more space between me and the next guy. To this end, I started researching places to live, homes for sale so that my husband could still get to work in the city in a reasonable amount of time. This was 8 months ago. Since then we found a house only 25 mins from hubby's work, in a small town of farmers. Thirty nine acres! I thought it was my dream property. Plenty of space here! WOW I had such plans. It took a couple of months to get financing worked out but we closed on April 28th. The house was a fixer upper for sure. Bren worked round the clock fixing and painting and roofing and drywalling! I know he put everything he had into this. Finally we decided to move in June 20th even though there was some finish work to do.

Since that time, reality has certainly hit, and boy does it pack a punch! First we had a mega moth infestation. Thousands would line the walls and windows. We had them in our beds, in our cupboards, everywhere! Finally they subsided and the mosquitoes set in. We can't go outside. We run to the car waiving our hands furiously. And it's not just that they are outside. They must have figured out the moth's secret entrance, because they are in the house. I can't sleep at night just laying there feeling them on me. We have replaced screens and any time we open a window we have a huge influx of mosquitoes. So the windows and doors stay shut.

This brings up another "plague", the heat. The house is west facing and has some skylights. Boy is it hot in here! And we can't open windows if we want to keep the mosquitoes at bay, so all we can do is sweat. No air conditioner here.

So I am very sad. My dreams aren't panning out the way I hoped. Right now I want to go back to the city. I want to give up this "simple" life in favor of my old life which turned out to be way simpler then I had realized......

Bad mom

ok, I haven't posted in so long! Emma is six months old and I still feel like I am recovering. And though I know I can't compare my self and my life to others, I can't help but feeling even worse when I was reading another blog of a woman who just had a baby a couple of weeks ago and in the comments was a woman saying the blogger was such a good mom because there was a picture of the daughter on the blog and she had a bow in her hair. So, the makings of a good mom is having a bow in your child's hair? I mean, I would love to be that good, but frankly, not the top of my list. Does that make me a bad mom because I don't have bows in my older daughter's hair? I mean her baby is only a couple of weeks old, mine is six months! If I can't do it by now I must be so very bad!! ugggg!



well, enough of that rant. I am feeling very argumentitive lately, like I just want to buck the system, rebel against athourity! I feel immature for feeling that way, but I don't need, for instance, my church taking attendance every week by making me fill out the welcome card though I am not a newcomer. And my homeschool group wants me to rsvp yes OR no to EVERY activity it plans. Like I have all this time to go through the calendar and let them know I WON'T be attending Friday's activity! sheesh. If I don't let you know I'm coming...assume I am not!



Anyway, this spirit of strife has gotten me into trouble lately. I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut when I don't agree with something. I keep praying I will just be able to let stuff go, but I really am having a hard time with it.

She's here ! Emma arrived on May 8th. She was 10 pounds 13 oz!!!!!!!! We are doing great. More about our newest addition later.

Counting down

Well, here we are, still pregnant. I shouldn't listen when the midwife says I will be early. I shouldn't listen when she says baby is heads up. I know the baby will be big, but she has been hyping it up as a possible record breaker and I have decided not to listen any more.

I believe that a midwife is a better choice then a doctor in a hospital. This is most especially true if there is a normal pregnancy with no complications. But I think I put too much stock in her knowledge. I mean, I think she obviously knows a ton about birth, she has been overseeing deliveries for over 20 years. But what I mean is, she isn't God. She doesn't know everything. She can take my blood pressure, test my urine, ask all the "relevent" questions, but she can't see inside of me. She doesn't know the day I conceived (especially since I don't know) and she (since I am overweight anyway) can't tell the exact weight of this baby.

I have been a bit up tight the last few weeks because she believed the baby would come earlier then we first thought. Well, obviously that isn't the case as I sit here with a bulging foot in my lungs. Baby is heads down as it should be, and I do expect to have the baby in the next few weeks of course. But I know I need to relax and know it will come when it is good and ready. My pregnancy has been healthy and uneventfull (unless you count the breech scare).

I am trying hard to be patient, which is hard because I had been lead to believe I would already be holding my little bundle by now. SO lesson to learn here is...listen to my instincts, my body and don't let someone else have undue control over my emotions.

And so we wait...

Just when I thought I was in control...

OK, so I have been a basketcase the last few weeks because my midwife told me she thought the baby could be breech. She didn't seem that worried and said there was time (maybe, since we don't really know the date) and that maybe at some point we could get an ultrasound to confirm.

So I have been googling my little heart out. I know that in the medical profession breech=cesarean. So of course this sent me into a tizzy. NO WAY! So I also looked up all this home remedy stuff for turning breech babies as well as any info on birthing breech at home that I could find. Even though all my findings were positive, I could still have it at home, I have birthed very large babies before so I am pretty safe there, I still couldn't shake this weird feeling like what if it doesn't turn!!???

Today my wonderful midwife confirmed that she felt this little bugger in the heads up position! GRRRR! So I have some instructions for helping motivate it to flip on it's own, and hopefully it will turn. She is also fairly confident that it will be sooner then our original projected date of April 26th. By how much? We don't know, it really has a chance of coming any time after March 30th we believe. It is a huge long story which I may write about here, but probably not because it involves female cycle talk, and no one really wants that much detail, right?

Anyway, I am still not happy about it, but having seen the midwife, confirmed it and having a plan of action has definitely put me more at ease. If you are so inclined...pray that it will turn, not be too big (my last one was 10 1/2 lbs) and the home birth will go beautifully.

Works for me Wednesday

I am always trying to come up with something for Works for me Wednesday over at Rocks in my Dryer but I can't ever think of anything. I love this backwards edition because I get to ask a question!! And this one is a doosy.....

So, at Christmas Santa brings us presents at our house. This is a big deal to me. I grew up with it being this very magical thing, and so it is fun to make it that magical for my kids. Please none of this "Christians shouldn't do Santa" and "it's lying to my kids" etc. I understand that argument, believe me I do, (hence the coming dilemma) but we like the magic.

OK, that is until on of the toys, a very expensive toy, breaks! On use two! A remote control car, did I mention expensive? OK, so I need to return it, it was only a couple of days after Christmas, I have the receipt... only Santa brought it. SO how to explain (to a 10 year old) why Santa does shoddy work, and how we are going to get a new one...all the way from the North Pole? I don't know what to do in this situation...any advice? Cause basically I had to lie more. I had to take it to a "shop" to get it fixed. Only I returned it and it was a seasonal item so no one has it anymore. When I finally find a store across town with ONE left....it is a different color!!!! More lying. The "shop" couldn't fix it so they gave me a replacement.???

My son didn't question it, really, but I had a horrible time trying to get around the whole returning it to the store, and getting a different color while still maintaining the Santa story. SO my question is, for those of you who "do Santa", what do you do, and say, when something breaks??

If you have a question, or an answer, head over to Works for me Wednesday backwards edition.


PS. I think the reason my son didn't question too much is that he is beginning to know it isn't Santa, but is afraid to say it. (I know some of you may think he is old to believe it, but being homeschooled I don't have as much of the cynical influence of kids at school who don't believe.) I could have just told him, but I want it to go as long as possible, and I think this was probably his last year believing anyway, I wasn't ready to ruin the magic just yet. I am sure by next year he will ask us about it, and we will tell him the truth, but not yet.

Extra PS. this has nothing to do with anything, I just thought I would add, that my son actually questioned the Target emblem on the playdoh box my three year old got from Santa more then my whole story about the car...weird.

Expectations? or I don't know what I am doing

UUUGGG! We have tried to start some kind of routine today. I got up, not all that early, but in enough time to actually make breakfast for the kids before they got tired of waiting and just ate cold cereal. I am dressed, and everyone but the 3 year old is dressed. I have read the Bible, though the kids haven't yet. My oldest has been working on math, we needed to catch up a bit before our new books come next week. He is learning division and is convinced it is the end of the world. If only I could get him to understand it is just the opposite of multiplication...

My daughter is cleaning her room, a good thing, except it always takes so long because she has to play as she goes, and 3 hours later she hasn't made much progress. The toddler is watching his 3rd movie of the morning. Is that ok? I feel like he shouldn't be watching tv, but he has been sick and I like this better then me sitting with him sprawled on my lap with a 103 degree fever, so I let it go.

My point today is that I don't feel like I really have any goals for our learning right now. I can think of all these great things I want us to learn about, but the details of actually doing anything just aren't falling in place. I have my oldest fighting everything I try tooth and nail, the toddler just wants to be in the middle of everything, or at least have my attention, and over the holidays my mom got on my case because my daughter (7, second grade) told her she didn't know how to write. My mom (who teaches art in public school) started in on how she needs a spelling book and there are certain standards she needs to meet for sentence writing and blah, blah, blah...

Of course the next time I went shopping that same daughter brought me a shopping list of all the things she was buying with her Christmas money. Not everything was spelled right, but I'd say that her claim of not being able to write was a bit overexagerated. But of course how do I defend myself against my mom who wants spelling books and structured lessons and I told her our writing consists of copying poems and scriptures and we do read and I have taught her the phonics rules. We finally dropped the subject, because no one was giving in. Now I feel bad though, like I need to prove to her my daughter can write. I shouldn't have to, it isn't about what she thinks, but it's my MOM. ya know?

So I feel a bit lost right now, like I need to change something, be more structured, fill in some blanks I know we are missing. But how. I know the biggest weakness in our learning is the writing, but I don't know how to fill it in without doing "school at home". I think our relaxed style works for us, but how do I fill in those blanks and keep that "unschool" feel?

I am just hoping to have some kind of revelation soon.

Happy New Year

OK, I know it is a bit late for that kind of title, but it has been busy around here...still. We were at my parents house for New Year's and then the youngest got sick, we just started recovering today. And so, a new year deserves a new look. (I was just getting used to the old one)

And so, I don't have much else to say right now, I am just trying to get back to some kind of routine. Most blogs I have read show most everyone back in their school routines. I am hoping to be ready for that by Monday.

Three years old

Three years ago yesterday, I gave birth (at home) to a beautiful baby boy. He has been difficult and we have been tired, but we are blessed to have him and he lives up to his name Gabriel, for he has brought us to the presence of God in more then one way.

Happy Birthday and I love you sweet boy!

Read this...

Grace in a Manger

Ah ha, that's what's missing!

I was just reading a post from Shannon at Rocks in my Dryer about grace . It so very much more eloquently states the way I was feeling yesterday. I mean not exactly the same situation, but I have been feeling like my main problem lately is I have a lack of grace. We all do around here. We all tend to be short on patience and giving others the benefit of the doubt. It just wears on ya after a while.

Yes, more grace is what we need around here. Thanks Shannon of reminding me.

Discouraged

I am feeling discouraged lately. I am really feeling like I wasn't meant to be a mom. I love my kids dearly, but I feel like I am failing them at every turn. I just want to know how people with so many more kids get things done, and teach their children and cook and clean and have time for devotions and..... I know, they just do it. I have 3 kids, and one on the way, and I look at others both in real life and in blogs I read, and I wonder how they have energy to do the things they do, while pregnant with the 8th one or whatever. I can't even manage to read the Bible every day. I realize I need to set better priorities, but you haven't met my almost 3 year old!

I feel like I can't win. I am so tired of the kids fighting with each other, of me fighting with them. I wish I could say it's time for lessons with out the collective whining that in sues. I want to be able to say take these books upstairs for me without the argument. I want my 10 year old to stop pestering and tormenting the other 2 and I REALLY want him to stop talking back to us. I feel so hopeless after talking with him, and I feel like I have failed as a mother. He has a bad attitude and he is rude, disrespectful and angry most of the time. And I am at a loss at what to do. We have tried yelling, of course that didn't work, we have tried punishments (taking away privileges) we have tried rewards for good behavior, still nothing....and we always come back to yelling, mostly out of frustration and lack of knowing what else to do.

I am so tired of the struggle. I know that no one said being a parent was easy, I just thought there would be times when things might be easier. I am very disheartened that I can't seem to keep up with family devotions either. My husband was supposed to be in charge, but if I don't mention it, it doesn't get done. I know it should be a top priority, but isn't it his job, not mine?

Uuugggg! I hate feeling like this. I want to be a good mom, I just don't know how to deal with some of our issues right now. I can't keep up with the house, the toys are everywhere, laundry needs to be done (and I have been doing it everyday!) I am so emotionally exhausted from the struggles with the kids that I become physically tired and don't want to finish the housework most days.

I am not writing any of this for pity. I am just venting after what was a particularly hard day. I of course, hope tomorrow will be better. But most days seem to be going this way and I need to get the frustration out and figure out how to talk with the kids and teach them the right behavior, which apparently I am not good at or maybe we wouldn't have this problem now.

hopefully a good nights sleep will find me in better spirits....if the toddler stays in bed :)

New look

Ok, I have had this blog for a little over a year I think, and I have been slowly learning how to work it! I just customized some things and I am so excited. I really wish I was savy enough to make it really famcy and pretty, maybe that will come. But for now I am jsut happy to have Christmas colors and a pretty snowy picture (from my front yard during the blizzards we had last year).

I hope to keep learning how to make it better looking, and I really hope to have some more time to blog (as well as a topic) very soon!

Christmas ebook

I was just reading this review over at Enjoy the Journey. I have been saddened that Lindsay isn't updating her Christmas blog (though the archives are still available), so when I read the review I started thinking that this could be the thing I am looking for.

If you are looking for some good Christian perspective on Christmas and some activities and recipes, it looks like Marybeth Whalen has the answers. Go take a look!

Works For me Wednesday

OK, this is backwards day over at Rocks in my Dryer . That means I get to ask a question and hopefully some one can help me with an answer. So here we go...

I have a 9 year old (to be ten next month) boy, a 7 year old girl, a 2 year old (to be three next month) boy and a baby on the way. Right now the two boys share a room and my daughter has her own room. We have one extra room that has been a play/guest room. We are considering moving the oldest into that room and then putting the baby in with the toddler. The problem is that the toddler won't sleep in his room alone. We have done some practice nights and he just won't go to bed by himself. My older son gets lots of credit because he is very gracious and always agrees to come back into the room with the toddler.

The baby isn't due until April and will probably sleep in my room for a while, but I know my oldest wants his privacy. And being 10 next month, I think he should be able to have it. So if you have some advice on getting my toddler to like having his own room, and getting him to sleep there, let me know!

Thanks!

This is great!

OK, so I was reading Enjoy the Journey earlier and Lindsey has this great idea for a bumper sticker...Anyone but Hillary '08 !!! I think it is perfect!!!!!! So if you want one, go check her out. I am getting some for sure!

oh the news!

I can't believe I have totally bailed on the blogging thing. I have just been so busy and tired and blah. I have even neglected to post about being PREGNANT! I am 12 1/2 weeks along...I think. Pregnancy isn't an exact science. First, I am not exactly sure when I conceived, and of course, babies come when they are ready. SO we are looking at late April maybe early May.

I have been pretty nauseous, and very tired. I have been having a hard time focusing on homeschool. I don't have the energy to do a lot of the normal activities. Today is the first day we have been to the library since August. Well, we were on vacation for 2 weeks in September, but still. The kids of course are enjoying the little break. We still read and since we are more unschool/Charlotte Mason, we read a lot of living history as well as fiction and today we checked out some science books. And I hadn't ordered our math yet, so I did so this week. I hope that since I am going into the second trimester next week, that hopefully I will be feeling better and more on top of things.

I would like to post a bit on our vacation and the Creation Museum we went to. Hopefully I can get to that soon.

Loner

So I have been thinking lately how different I am. I mean, I know EVERYONE is different, that's what makes us special right? Well, I am not talking about how you have blond hair and I have brown, I am talking about my life choices fitting into some kind of category.

I mean, when some one says they are a republican, you automatically know a few things about them. When they say they are agnostic, or Buddhist or Christian, you have a few basics already covered. But me, I am not fitting into any category. I consider myself a conservative Christian, but when you get down to it, I have a few beliefs that don't really fit that.

Like I am all about environmental responsibility, "going green", kind of a liberal thing. I am into all natural childbirth, whole food eating, home remedies, extended breastfeeding and attachment parenting (all kind of considered liberal hippyism). I home school, which usually would have people thinking I fit into this very staunch christian school-at-home model, yet I am an unschooler (more popular in non-christian circles).

And in some cases I lean more toward the very traditional side, like my role as a wife and mother, but I have some modern Christian views that would be considered not so conservative.

All this to say that I really identified with Phat Mommy . I feel on the outside every where I go. When I am at church I feel too liberal for them, when I am at a La Leche League meeting I feel too conservative. I feel put down for my choices or at least that if I express why I do things a certain way, that others think I am putting their choices down.

I want to share with others my lifestyle, to educate and to maybe find other moms who understand what I am going through. I don't want to tell other people how to do things. I do think that everyone has to find the way that fits their family and is true to who God created them to be. And that isn't the same as me...it would just be nice to find someone who understands me.

Going Green

I have been going through the process of figuring out how to live healthier. There are several reasons for this. One, as I shared in my last post, is that I am over weight and need to be eating better. Another is that I want to be a good steward of what God has given me. There are many areas to consider in a healthy lifestyle as well.

It's not just about eating more natural and whole foods, which I am trying so hard to do. It is also about the products we use and how we are taking care of the earth God gave us to watch over and subdue. I really think that when God gave is this planet to subdue he didn't mean trash it. He didn't mean take over and kill everything in your path and he certainly didn't mean for us to create substances which slowly kill us. I don't think it is fair to say if I want to be kinder to our environment (and myself) I must be some kind of liberal hippy. Which by the way is what my husband thinks of me.

I have been trying to learn more about how to make my own homemade foods in the most natural state possible, and I have been researching cookware and storage ware that doesn't leach chemicals into my food. I have been trying to find more natural shampoos and lotions, etc. And I am finding that everything is harmful!

Now, I am trying hard not to be such a paranoid weirdo (to quote my husband) about all this, but the more research I do, the more I am convinced there is not much out there that isn't slowly poisoning us. I know that I can't avoid everything. I just want to change some of the things I have control over and know about. Things like my cookware. I don't want to use Teflon anymore. I also know that there could be some leeching from stainless steel. I think I will be buying a cast iron pan soon and am looking for some glass Corning ware pots for the stove top. So far am not having much luck anywhere besides eBay, and the shipping is outrageous!

I also have been trying to cut down on using plastic, both bags and for food prep and storage. There are some really good posts about this over here . I keep forgetting to take my canvas bags shopping so I opt for paper instead. Which by the way, no one knows how to use! The clerks just fill 'em up! Oh man! I have to try to be so patient and I usually just ask to do it myself before they break something. I really wish everyone had handles on their bags like Whole Foods.

More on this later, I have to go start dinner.

Random thoughts and why I have been awol

Oh man, we still can't get over the fevers, stuffy noses and coughing! I got a brief stuffy nose, but am fine now. But the boys (including hubby) just can't shake it. Gabe had a fever for 4 days and now his lips are all swollen and chapped from not being able to breathe out of his nose. I keep putting balm on his poor lips, but it doesn't last long. He is majorly cranky too. The fever finally broke yesterday and he seems better, still fussy though.

I kinda lost momentum on the spring cleaning thing. We did the kitchen, and by the next day the kids and dog had muddied the floor again! I kinda fell into this slump of it-will-never-stay-that-way-so-why-bother-even-doing-it !! And now the dog is shedding so I need to get back to it because the house is being overcome with dog hair. UGGGG! I need some more motivation! I had been doing so well and then once a little of the chores get away from me it is like a landslide and nothing ends up getting done.

On a positive note, I have been walking every day this week! I just do it nice and early so it isn't too hot. I take out the stroller and the older kids ride bikes or roller blades, and we walk down to our neighborhood park. They get to play for a bit and then we walk home along a different route. The goal is to go 3 times a week at least. I really want to work on loosing weight and being healthier. I have a real problem with the food part though.

I just don't do well on diets. I don't like all the rules and measuring that goes on. I don't like the counting points or calories etc. I want to eat naturally, when I am hungry and what I am hungry for. Obviously that has worked for me so far right?? NOT! (I need to loose at least 100lbs to be at a healthy weight.)

OK, so what do I do? Last summer I tried Body for Life. I didn't follow their eating plan to a T because I don't like to drink the shakes or eat the bars they recommend, just too high in artificial stuff for me. But I increased my protein and ate good carbs in a balance with the protein. And I went to the gym every day! I did weight lifting and cardio. I lost 10lbs in 12 weeks. I probably would have lost more had I followed the exact eating plan.

I don't want to spend the money on the gym. I know there is plenty of activity I can work into my life, if I just do it. Hence, the walking. Anyway, I need to just buckle down on the food issue and start measuring portions, and I do need to up my protein intake as I let it slide again. I do think that makes a difference. I don't believe in cutting out carbs, but I do think eating the right ones and in a good balance with the protein is a good way to go.

And so, though I could go on, the kids are wanting breakfast and I need to shower.

Spring cleaning!

The kids and hubby have been so sick the past few weeks that I just skimmed right over the Easter season with no posts :(

I had just no energy from caring for everyone and finally convinced hubby to go to the doctor. The kids all recovered with a good long dose of echinacea, but hubs just can't shake it. So, now he has a prescription and hopefully will be on the mend.

So, today I started some spring cleaning! I got some great tips from The Family Homestead . Today I started in the Kitchen. We have done all the floors and walls. After my little break here I am going to tackle the fridge! The kids are helping with minimal complaining. I had Jordan (9) doing walls and then mopping. Megan (7) did baseboards and a bit of sweeping (I finished up), and Gabe (2) helped with his own rag around the baseboards.

It was nice to get us all working together with little strife from anyone. We had praise music on and just sang.

I hope it continues to go well and I hope I can get most of the kitchen done today! Wish me luck! :)

Who is raising your child?

This is something dear to my heart and I just haven't been motivated to write about it until today. I just read a post at Farm home life about the subject of kids being raised in daycare. She notes that people go to work and are more focused on material things then on what their children are doing, seeing and learning. I know there are some families out there that feel they NEED to have both working parents. I also know that the majority of those that feel that way, really don't. I believe almost anyone can make it work on one income, if they tried. Or if they WANTED to.

Trixie did a great job of making that argument, so I will take it a step further here and say what happens when that child has had a mom home with them for 5 years raising them, loving them, nurturing them, and teaching them, and then one day that mom ships her child off to school half the day to learn from someone else? (and don't even get me started on full day kindergarten!) Soon the child is gone to school for a full day and again parents wonder why their child came home with thoughts and attitudes they don't approve of. I would pose the question of how is it ok to say "Don't send your child to daycare because someone else is raising them" and yet its ok with those same people to send their child to school for 8hours a day?

Someone else is raising your children! Don't be confused about that. You don't see your child for 7-8 hours a day and someone else, whether teachers or peers, is instructing and teaching, molding and shaping your child's thoughts and attitudes towards life.

I know this is a controversial issue, and I know not everyone thinks they can homeschool, but I want people to own it. I want everyone to look at their choices, and know they are choosing to let others raise their children. If that is ok with you, then that's fine. I am not saying everyone has to do it this way, but acknowledge it. Don't pretend that because you look over the homework and attend the PTA meetings that makes you in charge of their education.

Being an involved parent at your child's school is great! And I think it is a must! And being an involved parent, makes you a good, no a great parent. But don't think you have any say in what your child is really learning. You can try to counter the things you don't like when they get home, but think of this... your child gets up at 6:45am and leaves for school by 7:30am. He is gone until 3:30pm when he comes home, spends the afternoon playing and doing a bit of homework, then goes to bed at 8pm. You saw that child a total of 5 hours and 15 minutes...his teachers and peers saw him for 8 hours. Who do you think will have more influence?

I know if anyone reads this I am going to get some harsh comments, but I just want people to think about it, and own their decisions.

Summer treats

Works for me Wednesday-

It is that time of year again. I know its only a week into Spring, but the kids are already begging for swim suits, sprinklers and Popsicles. In our house though, I do make some Popsicles out of juice, but a favorite item is the snow cone! I have a little hand crank shaver that we use. I take a small bowl and freeze some water. This pops out and fits into the shaver quite nicely (that way I can keep several on hand and not have to waste all the good drink ice on this project).

We take turns cranking away at it until everyone has a big cup full of "snow". I bet you all think this is where I pull out the big jugs of syrup they sell for this type of thing. But no! My husband came up with using fruit juice concentrate, with out adding the water! We simply allow the can of concentrate to thaw and then we pour it over the "snow". It has such a wonderful flavor! I love grape! There are plenty of flavors, though you have to for go Cotton Candy and Bubble Gum, but who will really miss them?

That's what works for me! Check out more ideas over at Rocks In My Dryer .

A down day

I love being a mom. I am trying very hard to learn to be a better mom as well as a better wife and homekeeper. I desperately want to take care of my home and my family. I want to cook and clean and sew (still haven't learned) and bake homemade bread (something is wrong with my yeast, or me) and grow a garden and can the produce for winter (I haven't even gotten books on this subject yet and its almost planting time). A lot of lofty goals and I am not managing them well.

Right now I am feeling overwhelmed. I am tired of doing the same things over and over. I did dishes twice today and as I am getting ready for bed, there stands a sink full of dishes! I gave the kids clothes to put away today and Jordan brings me a basket and says "look mom its full again." It never ends. I will never be able to sit down and look around and say "ahhh there we are, all done."

And I know this. It is not new information. But right now I am in a slump. I am tired of feeling like nothing I do is making progress. We do the same things day after day, and still, nothing changes. I don't have time to scrapbook, or read, or decorate my home because I feel like the mundane tasks of daily life are dragging me down.

And here I am getting ready for bed and kind of dreading the morning, where I know I will have to start over- messy dishes, floors, clothes- and feel once again like I am not measuring up to all I could be, should be, as a homekeeper.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Family

This week has been crazy for me. Well, for all of us. First, starting last week we had everyone come down with the stomach bug. First it was Megan, but only for a day, then Jordan and I but not as bad, then after several days with nothing, Gabe started throwing up, and had a fever and it lasted from last Thursday until Tuesday this week! That is alotta grossness! And on top of it all, we aren't at home. We are taking care of my grandmother at my parents house in Wyoming, while they are on vacation. It's one thing to be sick at home, but it is hard on all of us to be sleeping on air mattresses and using someone else's toilet, and floor (eww). I haven't gotten it yet, and I am praying I don't! And now Jordan has come down with a fever and cough.

(sigh)

So, my grandmother lives with my parents. She is 87 and senile. She has been here for almost 4 years, and no one expected her to make it this long. Her body isn't ready to give up. None of us wants to see her in a nursing home, and my dad's siblings aren't a big help. My parents are tired. I have been on board with not using a nursing home, but I have seen my parents deteriorate themselves since she has been here. My parents used to go snowmobiling, fishing, camping, and now they watch TV and do a bit of gardening. I am sad for them. They got about 3 years between my brother moving out and my grandmother moving in. And during that time, my mom had to go take care of her mom while she died from cancer.

I want to see my parents enjoy this part of their lives. I am glad to have the flexibility to come with all the kids in tow and not worry about pulling them out of school. That is the great thing about homeschooling, it can travel with us where ever we go. (Though I must say with all the sickness, we haven't accomlished as much as I had hoped). And I love that my parents can go away together for a whole week and have fun. They worry about me though. That I can't handle the demands of caring for my grandmother.

And it is hard sometimes. She can still use the bathroom, though I have to direct her to get both her pants AND her undies. And more then once I have had to remind her to sit on the toilet, not in the bathtub. I sometimes have to tell her what to do with the fork full of food she is holding, and she insists the people in the TV won't listen when she talks. She has a babydoll she carries around and treats like her child and then in the next breath is almost crying because she is sure it is dead. Almost none of the sentences she says make sense, you can sometimes piece together a meaning, and sometimes not.

I love her.

When I was a kid, my brother and I would go to her house for two weeks in the summer. My parents didn't go on vacation, they came back home and worked. But we had a blast. Grammy would take us to Kmart and buy us a little toy, we would go to the frozen yogurt shop next door, she would show us her garden and we would help her weed it, and then we would watch soap operas and eat homemade trail mix all afternoon. She rememebred to ask about school, and other activities we did. I felt like I could talk to her about anything. She would hug and kiss us and tell us how very much she loved us...And we knew she did.

The other night as I was tucking her into bed, I looked in her eyes, and told her I loved her, and though she can't say my name, and probably doesn't even know it, she looked at me and said she loved me, and I miss her! I am a grown woman, she has been loosing her memory since late in my highschool days, but I just wanted her to cuddle me and give me frozen yogurt, and KNOW me.

That is the part of me that wants her to be home, where people love her and can take care of her. But then there are my parents. We never thought she would make it this long, what if this goes on and on? My parents should get to travel and do the things they love. I have asked them to hire someone to come in and take care of her when they aren't here, even daily so that they can go out to dinner on their anniversary, or a Wednesday....So they can go fishing or camping on the weekends and not worry. But my dad feels like it is his responsibility, he even feels guilty I am here for a week. I guess I worry that all the stress and inactivity will lead to my parents premature senility or death.

This whole thing has been rambly. I am just feeling torn between my love for my Grammy, and my love for my parents. I want the best for everyone. Please pray the Lord will be gracious and bless my parents for their service.

Too much

No one in my life reads this blog. Well, I don't think anyone reads it quite yet, but I haven't told anyone I know about it. My husband knows I write it, but I haven't told him the address. A few friends know I have one but I have never really advertised where or what it's about. It isn't to be secretive or anything. I am not hiding something from my family and friends. Partly I don't think anyone would be interested, and mostly I want a place where I can say what I want and not have people judge me. Or at least, if they do judge me, I can delete their comments and go about my business.

As I have mentioned, I don't believe I have any "readers". I believe a few people have popped in here since I commented on their blogs, but I don't have a following so to speak. I guess that is a good thing since I have been reading about all the controversy other bloggers face when they report about their real lives. In one of Lindsey's comments a woman said someone commented negatively to her and left it anonymous saying she knew the person in real life. SO she wondered all the time who it is that fakes it with her but criticized her on her blog.

And that is why my real life friends and family don't come here. I have other spaces to leave pictures for relatives and share stories with friends, but this space is for me to ponder life, write about the mundane, as well as what I am passionate about (I will get to blogging about that someday) and for me to feel free to open up with out fear of loosing friends or offending those I see daily.

Behind again... always....

ok, so I am behind on laundry again, not too bad this time, but still not as organized as I want to be. I am also behind on Bible reading. I was doing so well in January but February just got away from me. I can still catch up if I double up for the next few weeks. I am trying hard not to just give up because I am behind.

I am finally de cluttering my bedroom! I have kids clothes laying on my ottoman that need to go in storage or taken to the consignment store. I never know what to keep for then next child. My older son is 7 years older then the youngest son. Do I save things he has grown out of for the next 7 years until the baby fits into it? Or do I say, let's move it out and I can repurchase up to date clothing when the time comes? I have my middle child, the girl, with no one to pass down clothes to. I hope to have another baby, and hopefully another girl, but since I am not preggo yet, there would be at least 7 years difference there too. So, should I give away the clothes, or keep them in hopes of using them some day?

I think it is harder for me to get rid of the girl clothes. First of all, they are all so cute! I can't bare to part with them! And I of course love to shop, so you would think I would just toss everything and start over, but I guess I am feeling a bit meloncholy over the possibility I WON'T have another. I hope to, and we are "trying", but nothing yet, and I do feel my childbearing years slipping away.

I know some people have kids after 35 and even well into their fourties, but I never saw myself doing that. I don't know how to describe my feelings on it exactly, but my husband and I always thought, we will have kids while we are young and struggling, then when we are older and more settled, and they are grown, we will still be young enough to travel and enjoy each other. I already have a 7 year difference between oldest and youngest. If I had another even now, the difference would be 10 years. That is a big deal to me.

And there is also the issue of my not wanting medical intervention in my pregnancy. I had my last child at home in a beautiful water birth that I will cherish all of my life! I would expect the same thing, though the older I get the less likely I will get by with no complications.

And so, I am not sure what to do now. I think about it all the time, what to do, do we perminently seal the deal and move on with three beautiful healthy children, do we adopt which would guarantee me a girl if I choose, or do we keep praying and waiting for more babies in God's time. The waiting and not knowing is hardest for me. If I knew that I would have a beautiful baby in two years, then I could be hapy and enjoy the time with only 3. But if we keep trying for the next 5 years and nothing, then decide to stop, I feel like I will worry and wonder the whole time and...oh this all seems so silly, of course I know I should be content and not worry and that is how a good Christian woman behaves, but I can't help it. I pray and wonder what to think or feel or do next and I don't feel like I have any answers...

and so I am waiting....

The House Fairy

I have subscribed to a great site called FlyLady for a couple of years now. They help you clean and organize your house. There are tips for decluttering and creating habits. I have really enjoyed the ideas and encouragement I get there. I can't say I follow the program perfectly, but I am slowly trying to develop good habits. Well, I came across another site through FlyLady that helps kids clean up and help around the house. It is called The House Fairy .

I think it looks like a great idea. I could probably create the whole thing myself, but for 2 years of notes and new ideas, I figured why not give it a go. And it is only $10. I love the idea of rewarding instead of nagging. It's just positive reinforcement. I am not very good at that. I can nag and pick at all the wrong doings, but it is harder for me to point out the good things without being prompted. I guess it's a classic case of "the squeaky wheel gets the oil".

My only concern is that my 9 year old will think it is lame. Several of the testimonies said they had some pre teens on board, just to get prizes, but they knew mom was really the fairy. All well and good, but how do you keep them from spoiling it for the youngsters? And as of yet he hasn't questioned Santa, at least to us, but I am wondering if this cheesy video work will make him see the light? I may try to do the notes and prizes, but not do the videos, that way they can use their imaginations...We shall see.

I hope to start a little later this week, after Valentine's Day. I already have some gifts for the kids for that.

And speaking of V-day, I don't get a date with hubby:(

I am helping with a youth fundraiser at our church. I am fixing the spaghetti dinner (hopefully with help) and the kids will serve about 15 couples. My hubby has very surprisingly offered to help in the nursery that night...I guess since I am not available, he figured on letting all the other couples stay together. What a sweetie!

(shhhhh....I do have a little late night surprise when we get home though) hehe

Boring daily musings

I guess, if anyone even pays attention, you may notice that I don't post often. It is not from lack of computer time. I guess mostly it is because I read some pretty great blogs, and they say all the things I want to say. And they say it better then I ever could. And so I find myself feeling a little inadequate to post about the same topics. I should still, journal my life, for my own sake. But I so enjoy reading about everyone else's goings on, that I end up short on time and energy for writing my own.

Oh and did I mention we are boring! LOL

I mean we have nothing going on right now. Well, that's not entirely true. We go to dance class, basketball practices and games, have piano lessons, grocery shop, read, play games... but that is everyday stuff and rarely seems to merit an entry.

Today I have decided I have put off the laundry long enough, and since I have no clean undies, I am sitting here in my robe washing load after load. It's funny how all the kids clothes get washed, and hubby has enough clothes to last a lifetime, so I don't have to wash his as often, but mine never get in the mix. I get down to wearing my pregnant underwear before I get around to washing mine. I mean, we also have towels, rags, diapers, sheets, blankets etc to wash, I know how mine gets put off. But really I should be on top of it.

I had a system for a while, each day of the week had a category. Like Monday-sheets, Tues- kids clothes, Wed- towels, Thurs-parents, Friday-extra stuff that was forgotten. That way I wouldn't have to do any on the weekends. And I work in the diapers when needed. I don't follow the system any more. I don't know why. It worked. But we are all getting lazy around here.

So starting today I am jumping back into the laundry system! I have my clothes in and will do hubby's today too. And I came to realize, that though I would like fresh clean sheets every week, washing 5 sets of bedding in one day doesn't happen. And so we will start to rotate Monday's. And then only wash each set every 3 weeks (boys bunk together the first Monday, Megan the second Monday, and ours the third. ) And maybe leave the fourth Monday for the guest bedding, though it rarely gets used unless the kids are playing in it, and I feel like I should re-wash it even if they have just been building forts with it.

Anyway, I am going to tackle the laundry yet!

And like I said, too boring to write about! hehe

Prosperity

Lindsey at Enjoy the Journey has a post up today about being prosperous and I commented there but also wanted to leave a blurb here too.

I used to think that I needed to be rich to feel blessed and happy. I like to shop, I want cool stuff but I shouldn't need that kind of prosperity to be truly happy. I have come to realize I am so blessed by being faithful to Jesus, knowing I am loved by Him and having a beautiful family, we are all healthy and we have food, shelter, clothes, fun...Who could ask for more.

But I understand the peace and joy and CONTENTMENT that comes through knowing a living savior who will provide for me what HE sees fit for me to have. I can't add any days to my life by worrying about things out of my control. We have seen so many times that as long as we are faithful, God will provide our needs. Times when we couldn't pay our bills, we'd get a random insurance reduction in the mail...God is good!

I was reading Job last night and God was asking Job who was he to question God's plan for him. Did Job create the world? Was Job there when God breathed life into Adam? Then who is he to question God's goal for his life? I feel like I too often question why we are going through something, financial struggle, church strife, rebellious children, my own doubt when it isn't my place to question WHY, only to ask Jesus for his guidance, perserverance and grace.

I want to try to be more of a person who is content with my circumstances no matter what they may be.

I have a post I am mulling around about grace as well...I will get to that later :)

Bible reading of the day

I posted earlier that I am reading through the Bible chronologically this year and today's reading is Job 6-9. I had some thoughts on yesterday's reading, but it is later then I should be up, so I may have to wait until tomorrow. We have the first half of this season's LOST recorded and have been watching them (again) the past few nights. Tonight we couldn't stop one from the end, so here we are at 11:48...YIKES!

Tomorrow is another day :)

2007 Reading list

So, I want to list the books I am reading so far this year as well as how far I have gotten with my chronological Bible reading .

First, I am reading The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I am loving this book! Just re-defining my mission in life, and that it is ok to take "the road less traveled" even when the world is telling you otherwise.

Also, I just started reading Captivating by John and Staci Eldredge. Again, can you see I am interested in learning to be the woman God intended me to be this year?

And I am in the process of becoming a La Leche League leader so I have multiple books being read for that...but I won't list them now unless someone wants to know :)

As for the Bible reading...I have read Genisis 1-3 (Jan1), Genisis 4-7 (Jan 2), and Genisis 8-11 (Jan 3). Today's reading is Job 1-5.

Oh hehe I almost forgot...I started The Innocent Man by John Grisham in December while on our trip and I haven't finished it yet. So I will count that on my 2007 list.

Happy Reading!

Five in a Row

I just learned about this unit study curriculum in December and have checked it out from the library to take a look at. I like the format a lot and love the thought of learning so much through simple picture books. I am still concerned because they have different curriculum for different age groups, and it doesn't really coincide. I like to teach the same subjects at the different levels for my 1st and 3rd grader. But I think my son could still benefit from the younger version and I will add in some of books geared for his age.

And so we will try this out starting Monday...I will let you know how it goes!

(I love that my library had this so I can try it for FREE!!! Wish they offered more curriculum to try as well)

Great ideas...

I have to say that my favorite blog to read these days is Enjoy the Journey . I am going to post some links here to some great things Lindsey is writing about there and copy her ideas for myself! :)

First, I didn't make any real New Year's resolutions. Lindsey gave me the idea to make more meaningful goals for my life and make them take a bit longer. I don't have my list ready...but I will post it when I do. I want my life to be more then a bunch of failed resolutions. I have goals and putting a year deadline is kind of strict I think. I don't want quick fixes, I want lifestyle changes, heart changes, permanent changes.

The other great list Lindsey has going is a list of books she is reading . I think it is a great idea. I have some great books I am working on and I would love to get ideas of what else people think is a good read.

So these are some new lists I will be working on. Along with that I am going to be reading through the bible this year with a link I found on A Gracious Home giving daily chronological bible readings.

I hope to post back about things I am learning.

The recovery period

We are back from our wintery travels and I have tons of things bouncing around my head to blog about...but for now I need to spend a few days washing clothes, unpacking and organizing. I will be back soon :)


Happy New Year!

Phew, I made it!

Well, I made it through the weekend packed with plans! YAY! We had a great time. I am tired, but I think everyone enjoyed the festivities. Now I need to wash clothes and pack for the BIG TRIP I mentioned earlier. We are heading out Wednesday morning for my husband's grandparents house in Dallas, TX. We will spend a few days there with extended family and then head to Oklahoma City to his mothers house and celebrate with his brothers and their wives and kids. A few days there and it is home for a day to wash and rest, then on to my parents in Cheyenne, WY.

I have not at all been looking forward to this trip. As a matter of fact, I was trying very hard to get out of it earlier this month. I tried bribing hubby, whining, complaining...but of course, he wants to see his family. And I admit, he doesn't get to see them often. They don't visit us and we have been a few times to see them, but at Christmas time, I like to be home. I guess that sounds selfish, but I enjoy staying home. If anyone wants to visit they are more then welcome. And so I guess it is really about time we made a trip to his family. But it still doesn't make it easy on me to have to change my traditions.

I have come to accept this trip and stop trying to get out of it. I do look forward to seeing my sister in law (wife to hubby's younger bro). Her and I get along great and can commiserate about the same family traits in our husbands and the rest of the family :) We talked last night and made plans to go see a movie when we get to TX, oh and do some after Christmas shopping as well.

So please pray for a safe trip for us and that the kids are well behaved in the car (it is a 16 hour drive to Dallas, we will do it in 2 days). Also check out another great prayer for this week leading up to our Savior's birth.

And Merry Christmas to all!!!!!!!!!!!

Tis the season

So, I am reading all sorts of things about not taking your family for granted this holiday season, and not getting overly stressed, just enjoy the ride, etc. Well, I like that idea. Just have fun, make memories, don't worry about doing everything perfect. Hmmm, somehow in the midtst of my good intentions, my schedule filled up. I have been going non-stop since, umm...well, um...now that I think about it, since September! I am looking back at my calendar here. I have everything written down that was a scheduled appointment, class, field trip, playdate, trip to see my parents in WY, and dinner dates, mom's night out, dad out with the guys, (phew I am tired just reading it) and we have been running constantly for months...no wonder I am tired!

And lately I have been pretty preoccupied with all the stuff. I am caught up in what I need to accomplish and what I have left to do before the BIG TRIP, that I haven't stopped to consider what my children are going through. Like today, we were walking into Walmart and I was carrying the baby, my purse and a newly purchased Starbucks Pumpkin spice Frapuccino (venti). My sweet Princess was walking in front of me and I guess she stopped for whatever reason and I hit her head with my hand and my newly purchase aforementioned drink went tumbling to the ground. I was in a hurry; angry it spilled because 1) I just got it and had only a couple of sips 2)I am trying to be frugal so when I treat myself like that it is kind of guiltridden anyway and 3) I had just had the thought that maybe I was carrying too much and should have left the drink in the car. So I proceeded to very childishly tell her it was her fault for stopping in front of me and why didn't she watch where she was going and now I didn't get to enjoy my yummy drink...I am so ashamed.

I love my baby. She didn't mean it. I shouldn't have gotten mad. It is times like that when I feel like the worst mother in the world. And it's not like I just got over it. I stewed about it through the whole store. My hubby called and I was short with him because I was still mad. And tonight I sit here regretting it all.

And I am again looking at the schedule for the next few days, (wrapping friends gifts, baking cookies for a cookie exchange, making cookies for Literature club -we read the gingerbread man, boy and baby, carrying out a pre planned party for my husbands work friends and their families where we bake cookies and visit, still have to buy those gifts, and then there is the labeling and mailing of the Christmas cards, oh and I haven't written the Christmas letter to go with it, and there is homeschool group caroling, and then another Christmas party with church friends, not to mention wrapping "santa" presents to take-secretly- to grandmas next week, oh and washing and packing, car maintenence....) and I am overwhelmed by all the commitments, things I don't think we can just get out of as my husband suggests. I want to enjoy this time of celebration. I want to enjoy the family and friends that I am doing all this for...

Maybe next year I will learn. Maybe I will remember and choose to say no to a few more things. Maybe.

Still Learning

I am getting the hang of this blogging thing I think. I still don't have much of interest to say, but I am leaning cool things like how to link to other blogs! What a revelation! I am learning the lingo, and most importantly I am getting great holiday tips like this one from Advent for evangelicals or here at Real Learning where you can get ideas for making some holiday gifts.

I also tried a tip from Tammy who left me a comment on my post about "making" the kids pick out library books. I did as she suggested and picked out some books, left them on the coffee table, and said nothing about them. J-train picked them up and read them! I am amazed! Now if I can just figure out how to trick him into writing :)

Oh wait...I did! Over Thanksgiving I found a story he had written, comic book style, last year. At the bottom he had written "Part 1". So I read it and then said, "That was great, I wonder when Part 2 will be out?" And he spent the next few hours composing and drawing pictures for "Part 2" (and this one is coming to DVD and VHS soon LOL).

hmmm...could I trick him into cleaning the bathroom?? Maybe I shouldn't push my luck! Thanks for your help Tammy!

Christmas Meme

I got this from Lisa at Joyful Chaos and thought I would pass it on...

1.Hot Chocolate or apple cider?
I have always been an apple cider girl...but learning to love rich gourmet hot chocolate with chocolate biscotti

2. Turkey or Ham?
Turkey! YUM!

3. Do you get a fake or real-you-cut-it-yourself Christmas tree?
We have the fake tree that was my parents when they first got married. They got it from my mom's parents. It was the tree we had all my growing up years, and My husband and I have used it for 10 years now. Some day soon we will get a new one.

4. Decorations on the outside of your house?
Lights around the roofline, wreath on the door, some snowman signs stuck in the grouns that say "Let it snow"

5. Snowball fights or sleddin'?
I would rather watch!

6. Do you enjoy going downtown shopping?
I love shopping anywhere! But love the fun festive atmoshere of the outside shopping centers and malls in our area.

7. Favorite Christmas song?
well, I love What Child is this? but I really enjoy all the music both secular and "religious"

8. How do you feel about Christmas movies?
I love them! My favorite is miracle on 34th street.

9. When is it too early to start listening to Christmas music?
before Thanksgiving for sure...but the day after it begins!

10. Stockings before or after presents?
The kids are allowed to get their stockings before we get up if they are up first. It keeps them busy and buys us some more sleep time. Then when everyone is up we have a breakfast of Swedish Tea ring and then on to the presents!

11. Carolers, do you or do you not watch and listen to them?
I wish more people went caroling. I would love to watch and listen. This year we are getting together with our homeschool group to go caroling! I can't wait!

12. Go to someone else's house or they come to you?
I like to stay home, but this year we are traveling to my husband's family in Texas and Oklahoma. Then for New Year's we will be in Wyoming with my family.

13. Do you read the Christmas Story? If so when?
Of course! That is the reason for the season! We try to read it several times and make sure to tell the kids that Santa gives gifts because it moves him so much that Jesus came as a gift to all mankind!

14. What do you do after presents and dinner?
Watch a Christmas movie, chat, play with new toys/games.

15. What is your favorite holiday smell?
I love the smell of stuffing baking for Christmas dinner...but a favorite candle I burn all year is Cinnamon/Bayberry from PartyLite.

16. Ice skating or walking around the mall?
Well, I can't ice skate, so the mall has it!

17. Do you open a present or presents on Christmas Eve, or wait until Christmas day?
We usually open presents from relatives that were mailed to us on Christmas eve. That way we can make sure the kids know who gave it and it isn't in the pile of Santa gifts.

18. Favorite Christmas memory?
I remember when I was maybe about 10, we were driving home from a relatives house, on Christmas eve. My brother and I were laying in the back seat (before seatbelts) and up in the sky I saw Rudolph's nose glowing in the sky! It was moving and since it was late at night, I was sure it was Santa and his sleigh! I was so excited to have seen him! I love that memory.

19. Favorite Part about winter?
Being in the cozy house with carols playing, candles burning, lights twinkling and snow falling. Or waking up to a winter wonderland (when the trees are covered in that thick white icy stuff.) ditto!

20. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Yep.

If you're here and reading this meme, you're tagged!

Family Tradition

Is it a right of passage for all the cousins to play in the muck in Great grandand's (my grandfather) backyard on Thanksgiving and get incredibly dirty so that they have to be declothed and scrubbed before dinner? And so they sit at dinner naked waiting for their clothes to be cleaned? Well it is in our family. For a long time my kids had been the only kids at these family celebrations. Only one of my cousins has children. And they are younger then mine...So this year was the first year they were all old enough to really play together and get in trouble together.
The mistake was letting them go outside alone! You would think, as adults, we would know that. But as happens often, you get together with those you don't see often, and the conversations take off. You get involved and, well, I think we kind of forgot about the little ones. They were content, not bothering anyone, quiet...So no one worried. Then we found them crawling in the dirt through a tube and under a neighbor's fence!

It brings back such memories! My grandfather lived in a different house when I was a kid. His backyard went up a hill, so it had these tiered levels, used mostly as gardens. As children, my cousins and my brother and I used to run wild back there during holiday get togethers. We would play hide and seek, chase, freeze tag. All up and down therse leveled gardens, with big bushes, trees, brush, flowers rocks and wood. It was dirty, dangerous stuff. Not run-out-in-the-street-get-hit-by-a-car kind of dangerous, but we got our share of bumps and bruises through the years. And I remember that my parents were in their own world, chatting with relatives, and us kids...we weren't even there. We had the run of the place. I would go hours with out even seeing my parents.

and so the tradition lives on!

Are we learning?

Just Enough, and Nothing More has a great post on unschooling. I am going to try to be more like that :)

I ask myself that question all the time, and so does my husband. I think they learn plenty but with no visible results on paper to present to everyone to prove I am doing a good job. Is that what it comes down to? Do I want praise for doing a good job? I don't think so. And I don't want it to be about that. But maybe I want to show everyone.."hey I can do it, see."

But it's not about me, its about them. These kids who get so excited about Star Wars, Princesses, Big Bird, and life. I wish I had the kind of passion they have for certain things. I think I have to redirect their passion so it involves the math book or the dictation...but no, if left to follow what they love, they will learn.....guaranteed.

HOMEschool?

Why in the world is it called HOME school? I am never home, are you? I think I need to start saying no more. We are doing some fun things and some just errand things, but I feel like I am never home. When we are home I have to keep house and try to fit some lessons in. Well, lately it has felt like we are not getting much accomplished. I know there is more to home education then accomplishment, but I feel like daddybird is getting annoyed by the lack of visible progress. And me too, I mean, when I can't point to any exact learning experience during the day but that the kids all sang the ABC's with me...I know I am not doing my job.

I want desperately to be in the unschool crowd. I wholely believe in that philosophy. But what do I do when the kids don't know what they want to learn? We went to the library yesterday, and I asked them to each pick one fiction and one non-fiction book to check out. Princess got right to it and of course found 6 books in each category and I had to finally stop her and give her a limit or she would have piled all the books she could muster into the stroller. But J-train said "no". Just flat out I am not going to. No fighting or arguing (yet), just no. What do I do with that? Ummmm yes! So I told him it wasn't an option and after a few minutes he launched into all the reasons he couldn't do it (I don't see any, I don't like any, I can't, I don't want to...it went on and on). SO I called daddybird! He talked with him for a minute and then J-train proceeded to very slowly look at the books and he threw one random non-fiction book in the stroller. Then we went to the fiction section with chapter books. I told him I would offer some suggestions but that was met with whines about how I don't know what he likes...etc.

Oh and so he says even though I made him pick out the books, he isn't going to read them!

So what to do? If I demand he do as I asked and make him read books he doesn't want to read, well, that makes him want to resist more. But I feel like if I don't make him do it, he wouldn't get any books. He used to love reading. He told me yesterday he hates it!

So what do you do when your kids don't want to do anything?

Why am I here?

I have been reading blogs for a while now. I look up blogs on homeschooling mostly and then when I find a good one I visit links they have listed for other blogs. I really enjoy a little glimpse into other peoples lives. Is that twisted? Well, I like to see that I am not the only one who struggles in certain areas. I like to get tips they have posted for either household management or discipline. I like the feeling of knowing I am not alone.

I wanted to start a blog so that I could express some of my feelings on issues I think are important, in a way that I can't when I am talking to my friends and family. I want to be able to be blunt. I want to have an outlet for my thoughts when I feel like there is no one who will understand or let me be myself.

Almost all the blogs I read are from moms whose profile says they were professional writers turned homeschool mom. I am not a professional writer. I went to school to be a teacher, but never finished because I started a family. This is what I want to do with my life; raise my family and homeschool.

So I find myself a little intimidated by this blogging thing. Will I be as articulate as others? Will I embarrass myself? Will I even have something to write about? Will I have any readers? Will I help anyone, or just come off as complaining? And to be truthful, I don't really know what I am doing. I don't have very much computer knowledge. I know enough to get around, but things like changing backgrounds, I can only use the templates given, I don't know how to design my own. I want to add the Robert Frost poem to my sidebar so I can have it up all the time, not just in the first post, but I don't know how, or if I could even do it.

SO, I feel like I am in a bit over my head at the moment. I guess my goal will be to spend some time learning the ropes. I hope any of you who happen upon me, will come back and watch me grow.