Snow day

So yesterday was a snow day around here.  Many things were closed though not everything.  But Bren got to stay home from work so were were glad for the day together.  Since things have been busy around here, we took the opportunity to carve our pumpkins.  The kids always balk over touching the goo inside, but lucky for me they dig in anyway. I was so nervous because my husband just hands them the knife and says start carving!  Every slice had me flinching and ready to rush to the emergency room (that would have been fun!).  But in the end they all did a fine job.  Since it was snowy we didn't set them all up on the porch yet,  hopefully it will be melted enough by tomorrow for us to do that.  Then I will take a picture and post it, because really you need the full affect of the extra "props". 

The great thing about homeschooling is that we don't get snow days :)  The kids don't think it is that great, but I love that something like this actually gives us more time together and new fun things to do and learn as a family.  Because Brendan was home the kids got to do some art with him.  They took the time to get out the oil pastels and practice with them when normally I don't have them out for fear of a little one getting ahold of them.  But because we could have separate time with dad it facilitated some extra learning.  Oh and don't forget the lessons involved in building structure.  I mean you have to learn that you can't stand on top of a snow fort, it will colapse! hehe

Here they are playing in the snow with the neighbors as it was melting this morning.

It's a....

LITTER!  Godiva did indeed give birth in the wee hours of the morning after laboring all night.  I was up with her most of the time because she was a little panicky. We saw the first little head pop out about 5:30 am.  Then within an hour we had 3. There was a long pause and more were born around 9am then a few more sporadically until about 12:45 pm.We had a total of 9 puppies born but one didn't make it.  The fourth born, like I said was born after a long gap and we considered maybe she was done, even though that is a small litter, so we let her outside to go.  We watched closely and she paused and sniffed the spot (by the was did I mention we are in the midst of a blizzard?) so Jordan put shoes on and ran out sure enough finding a puppy in the snow!  So we have named him blizzard.  the last puppy born was also not breathing like the one we lost.  I spent a good amount of time rubbing her but it seemed like a lost cause.  I didn't want to break any ribs or her neck or anything, but I figured I could rub hard because she was already dead right?  well I kept persisting and after a long while got a faint gasp.  Her gasp was raspy and sounded like fluid.  I thought maybe it was a reflex since I was rubbing her diaphragm.  I let Godiva lick her a bit and then would rub her some more and she was taking more raspy breaths!  I didn't think there was anything else I could do so I left her with the others figuring there was no way she could fight to nurse, but I let Godiva just lick away.  We named her hope because we hoped she would live.  I made some lunch and went back asking where she went and found out she was fighting to nurse like the rest!!!  She still had a labored breathing pattern, but when put to the nipple she sucked (I helped fight off older siblings).  So far she looks and acts like the rest...what a miracle!

So, we ended up with 8 puppies at the end of the day.  There are 6 girls and 2 boys!  They look like black labs, so unless the colors change as they grow, we may never know what the father was.  Oh well, they are cute as can be!  And they are ready to go home in eight weeks...anyone want a puppy for Christmas??

oops

so Godiva, our chocolate lab is about to have puppies.  Any day now.  In fact I think it could be tonight.  She has been digging and breathing heavy and her ears feel cool though I haven't taken her temp. I am sad for her because she is 8 and a half.  That is too old to have puppies.  When we moved to Bennett we talked about getting her fixed.  We had no fences and we just knew that was a disaster waiting to happen.  But with all the other things going on it wasn't a first priority.  And besides, I paid close attention in the beginning and she never ventured far.  She was so good about sticking close to the house.  Wow!  How lucky. 

So I got comfortable and lo and behold one day she went into heat and the next she vanished,  Eventually sauntering home at 11pm!  So the next day I watched her closely and only let her out to do her business and right back in.  But, helpful children who walk by the dog scratching at the door let her out so she wouldn't make a mess on the floor....GREAT!  Midnight rolls around and we are out calling for her.  This goes on for a few more days.  One morning Bren woke up and was startled by what he thought was a coyote sniffing at the garage door where the dog is kept.  Well, by the end of that week Godiva no longer wandered and never did again the rest of the time we lived there.

Sixty-three days later here we are.  With an old dog about to pop.  I feel sorry for her.  I do love birth, and puppies, so I am trying not to be too down.  I hope Godiva will be fine.  She is old, but still strong.  The kids are thrilled.  But taking care of puppies is also messy and a lot of work.  So we will see how the next few days play out.

what to write?

I sit here pondering what to write.  I have many things, some profound, some mundane, that could be wrapped up in neat phrases and set to this page.  I want to write things worth reading.  I read many blogs and get inspiration from most.  I wish I could write like that, to inspire.  I am not a natural writer.  I enjoy journaling and maybe that is more what this should be, just a journal.  But writing a daily journal feels dull.  I could write about what we had for breakfast, about our shopping trip and about my darling four year old who is obsessed with Star Wars. It would be a fun thing for me to read later, but would anyone else want to read it?  I feel like most blogs I read who have a following, they are writing to an audience.  So maybe my writings here should be focused on finding an audience.  Who would I speak to?  Could I inspire others?

clutter

Well, I am trying to unpack now that we are back in our old house. It was easy at first, everything already had a place here so I should be able to get it back in that place. Then I got to the boxes that were just thrown together. No real place. Just random things collected from around the house, mostly toys. I want to simplify. That is what I have wanted for a long time now. Less stuff! Wow, but that is hard. As I go through some of the things I think, "I can't throw THIS out." Well, a few tons of stuff later here we are.

SO how do you do it? How do you declutter and keep only what you love? What if you love lots of things? I have many things that have sentimental value. And then there are the things I would gladly move on from, but the kids or the husband MUST have it. sigh.

That is my goal for the next few days...to declutter, simplify, and start to create (re -create)some daily routines for my house keeping so it flows more smoothly around here. It is overwhelming so I am trying to take it one step at a time.

we did it

Well, after much prayer and contemplating, we moved back to the old neighborhood. We abandoned our dream of the country life. It was just nothing like we thought and we were so overwhelmed by so many things we didn't expect. It is so nice to be back in our old house. We still have a lot of work to do. We have to sell the house in the country and that may be a hard task in this economy. But we trust that God has been leading us and He will continue to do so. All we can do is trust that this part will be taken care of in the same way.

I am getting unpacked and enjoying having things the way they were. I am having a good time getting back into all my old routines (but hopefully not the bad habits) and I am enjoying being close to things again.

I am not sure why were have been taken on this roller coaster...but I keep trusting there is a reason.

reality bites

so I have wanted to live a simpler life. I wanted to grow my own food and raise some too. I wanted to live out where there was more space between me and the next guy. To this end, I started researching places to live, homes for sale so that my husband could still get to work in the city in a reasonable amount of time. This was 8 months ago. Since then we found a house only 25 mins from hubby's work, in a small town of farmers. Thirty nine acres! I thought it was my dream property. Plenty of space here! WOW I had such plans. It took a couple of months to get financing worked out but we closed on April 28th. The house was a fixer upper for sure. Bren worked round the clock fixing and painting and roofing and drywalling! I know he put everything he had into this. Finally we decided to move in June 20th even though there was some finish work to do.

Since that time, reality has certainly hit, and boy does it pack a punch! First we had a mega moth infestation. Thousands would line the walls and windows. We had them in our beds, in our cupboards, everywhere! Finally they subsided and the mosquitoes set in. We can't go outside. We run to the car waiving our hands furiously. And it's not just that they are outside. They must have figured out the moth's secret entrance, because they are in the house. I can't sleep at night just laying there feeling them on me. We have replaced screens and any time we open a window we have a huge influx of mosquitoes. So the windows and doors stay shut.

This brings up another "plague", the heat. The house is west facing and has some skylights. Boy is it hot in here! And we can't open windows if we want to keep the mosquitoes at bay, so all we can do is sweat. No air conditioner here.

So I am very sad. My dreams aren't panning out the way I hoped. Right now I want to go back to the city. I want to give up this "simple" life in favor of my old life which turned out to be way simpler then I had realized......

Bad mom

ok, I haven't posted in so long! Emma is six months old and I still feel like I am recovering. And though I know I can't compare my self and my life to others, I can't help but feeling even worse when I was reading another blog of a woman who just had a baby a couple of weeks ago and in the comments was a woman saying the blogger was such a good mom because there was a picture of the daughter on the blog and she had a bow in her hair. So, the makings of a good mom is having a bow in your child's hair? I mean, I would love to be that good, but frankly, not the top of my list. Does that make me a bad mom because I don't have bows in my older daughter's hair? I mean her baby is only a couple of weeks old, mine is six months! If I can't do it by now I must be so very bad!! ugggg!



well, enough of that rant. I am feeling very argumentitive lately, like I just want to buck the system, rebel against athourity! I feel immature for feeling that way, but I don't need, for instance, my church taking attendance every week by making me fill out the welcome card though I am not a newcomer. And my homeschool group wants me to rsvp yes OR no to EVERY activity it plans. Like I have all this time to go through the calendar and let them know I WON'T be attending Friday's activity! sheesh. If I don't let you know I'm coming...assume I am not!



Anyway, this spirit of strife has gotten me into trouble lately. I just can't seem to keep my mouth shut when I don't agree with something. I keep praying I will just be able to let stuff go, but I really am having a hard time with it.

She's here ! Emma arrived on May 8th. She was 10 pounds 13 oz!!!!!!!! We are doing great. More about our newest addition later.

Counting down

Well, here we are, still pregnant. I shouldn't listen when the midwife says I will be early. I shouldn't listen when she says baby is heads up. I know the baby will be big, but she has been hyping it up as a possible record breaker and I have decided not to listen any more.

I believe that a midwife is a better choice then a doctor in a hospital. This is most especially true if there is a normal pregnancy with no complications. But I think I put too much stock in her knowledge. I mean, I think she obviously knows a ton about birth, she has been overseeing deliveries for over 20 years. But what I mean is, she isn't God. She doesn't know everything. She can take my blood pressure, test my urine, ask all the "relevent" questions, but she can't see inside of me. She doesn't know the day I conceived (especially since I don't know) and she (since I am overweight anyway) can't tell the exact weight of this baby.

I have been a bit up tight the last few weeks because she believed the baby would come earlier then we first thought. Well, obviously that isn't the case as I sit here with a bulging foot in my lungs. Baby is heads down as it should be, and I do expect to have the baby in the next few weeks of course. But I know I need to relax and know it will come when it is good and ready. My pregnancy has been healthy and uneventfull (unless you count the breech scare).

I am trying hard to be patient, which is hard because I had been lead to believe I would already be holding my little bundle by now. SO lesson to learn here is...listen to my instincts, my body and don't let someone else have undue control over my emotions.

And so we wait...

Just when I thought I was in control...

OK, so I have been a basketcase the last few weeks because my midwife told me she thought the baby could be breech. She didn't seem that worried and said there was time (maybe, since we don't really know the date) and that maybe at some point we could get an ultrasound to confirm.

So I have been googling my little heart out. I know that in the medical profession breech=cesarean. So of course this sent me into a tizzy. NO WAY! So I also looked up all this home remedy stuff for turning breech babies as well as any info on birthing breech at home that I could find. Even though all my findings were positive, I could still have it at home, I have birthed very large babies before so I am pretty safe there, I still couldn't shake this weird feeling like what if it doesn't turn!!???

Today my wonderful midwife confirmed that she felt this little bugger in the heads up position! GRRRR! So I have some instructions for helping motivate it to flip on it's own, and hopefully it will turn. She is also fairly confident that it will be sooner then our original projected date of April 26th. By how much? We don't know, it really has a chance of coming any time after March 30th we believe. It is a huge long story which I may write about here, but probably not because it involves female cycle talk, and no one really wants that much detail, right?

Anyway, I am still not happy about it, but having seen the midwife, confirmed it and having a plan of action has definitely put me more at ease. If you are so inclined...pray that it will turn, not be too big (my last one was 10 1/2 lbs) and the home birth will go beautifully.

Works for me Wednesday

I am always trying to come up with something for Works for me Wednesday over at Rocks in my Dryer but I can't ever think of anything. I love this backwards edition because I get to ask a question!! And this one is a doosy.....

So, at Christmas Santa brings us presents at our house. This is a big deal to me. I grew up with it being this very magical thing, and so it is fun to make it that magical for my kids. Please none of this "Christians shouldn't do Santa" and "it's lying to my kids" etc. I understand that argument, believe me I do, (hence the coming dilemma) but we like the magic.

OK, that is until on of the toys, a very expensive toy, breaks! On use two! A remote control car, did I mention expensive? OK, so I need to return it, it was only a couple of days after Christmas, I have the receipt... only Santa brought it. SO how to explain (to a 10 year old) why Santa does shoddy work, and how we are going to get a new one...all the way from the North Pole? I don't know what to do in this situation...any advice? Cause basically I had to lie more. I had to take it to a "shop" to get it fixed. Only I returned it and it was a seasonal item so no one has it anymore. When I finally find a store across town with ONE left....it is a different color!!!! More lying. The "shop" couldn't fix it so they gave me a replacement.???

My son didn't question it, really, but I had a horrible time trying to get around the whole returning it to the store, and getting a different color while still maintaining the Santa story. SO my question is, for those of you who "do Santa", what do you do, and say, when something breaks??

If you have a question, or an answer, head over to Works for me Wednesday backwards edition.


PS. I think the reason my son didn't question too much is that he is beginning to know it isn't Santa, but is afraid to say it. (I know some of you may think he is old to believe it, but being homeschooled I don't have as much of the cynical influence of kids at school who don't believe.) I could have just told him, but I want it to go as long as possible, and I think this was probably his last year believing anyway, I wasn't ready to ruin the magic just yet. I am sure by next year he will ask us about it, and we will tell him the truth, but not yet.

Extra PS. this has nothing to do with anything, I just thought I would add, that my son actually questioned the Target emblem on the playdoh box my three year old got from Santa more then my whole story about the car...weird.

Expectations? or I don't know what I am doing

UUUGGG! We have tried to start some kind of routine today. I got up, not all that early, but in enough time to actually make breakfast for the kids before they got tired of waiting and just ate cold cereal. I am dressed, and everyone but the 3 year old is dressed. I have read the Bible, though the kids haven't yet. My oldest has been working on math, we needed to catch up a bit before our new books come next week. He is learning division and is convinced it is the end of the world. If only I could get him to understand it is just the opposite of multiplication...

My daughter is cleaning her room, a good thing, except it always takes so long because she has to play as she goes, and 3 hours later she hasn't made much progress. The toddler is watching his 3rd movie of the morning. Is that ok? I feel like he shouldn't be watching tv, but he has been sick and I like this better then me sitting with him sprawled on my lap with a 103 degree fever, so I let it go.

My point today is that I don't feel like I really have any goals for our learning right now. I can think of all these great things I want us to learn about, but the details of actually doing anything just aren't falling in place. I have my oldest fighting everything I try tooth and nail, the toddler just wants to be in the middle of everything, or at least have my attention, and over the holidays my mom got on my case because my daughter (7, second grade) told her she didn't know how to write. My mom (who teaches art in public school) started in on how she needs a spelling book and there are certain standards she needs to meet for sentence writing and blah, blah, blah...

Of course the next time I went shopping that same daughter brought me a shopping list of all the things she was buying with her Christmas money. Not everything was spelled right, but I'd say that her claim of not being able to write was a bit overexagerated. But of course how do I defend myself against my mom who wants spelling books and structured lessons and I told her our writing consists of copying poems and scriptures and we do read and I have taught her the phonics rules. We finally dropped the subject, because no one was giving in. Now I feel bad though, like I need to prove to her my daughter can write. I shouldn't have to, it isn't about what she thinks, but it's my MOM. ya know?

So I feel a bit lost right now, like I need to change something, be more structured, fill in some blanks I know we are missing. But how. I know the biggest weakness in our learning is the writing, but I don't know how to fill it in without doing "school at home". I think our relaxed style works for us, but how do I fill in those blanks and keep that "unschool" feel?

I am just hoping to have some kind of revelation soon.

Happy New Year

OK, I know it is a bit late for that kind of title, but it has been busy around here...still. We were at my parents house for New Year's and then the youngest got sick, we just started recovering today. And so, a new year deserves a new look. (I was just getting used to the old one)

And so, I don't have much else to say right now, I am just trying to get back to some kind of routine. Most blogs I have read show most everyone back in their school routines. I am hoping to be ready for that by Monday.

Three years old

Three years ago yesterday, I gave birth (at home) to a beautiful baby boy. He has been difficult and we have been tired, but we are blessed to have him and he lives up to his name Gabriel, for he has brought us to the presence of God in more then one way.

Happy Birthday and I love you sweet boy!

Read this...

Grace in a Manger

Ah ha, that's what's missing!

I was just reading a post from Shannon at Rocks in my Dryer about grace . It so very much more eloquently states the way I was feeling yesterday. I mean not exactly the same situation, but I have been feeling like my main problem lately is I have a lack of grace. We all do around here. We all tend to be short on patience and giving others the benefit of the doubt. It just wears on ya after a while.

Yes, more grace is what we need around here. Thanks Shannon of reminding me.

Discouraged

I am feeling discouraged lately. I am really feeling like I wasn't meant to be a mom. I love my kids dearly, but I feel like I am failing them at every turn. I just want to know how people with so many more kids get things done, and teach their children and cook and clean and have time for devotions and..... I know, they just do it. I have 3 kids, and one on the way, and I look at others both in real life and in blogs I read, and I wonder how they have energy to do the things they do, while pregnant with the 8th one or whatever. I can't even manage to read the Bible every day. I realize I need to set better priorities, but you haven't met my almost 3 year old!

I feel like I can't win. I am so tired of the kids fighting with each other, of me fighting with them. I wish I could say it's time for lessons with out the collective whining that in sues. I want to be able to say take these books upstairs for me without the argument. I want my 10 year old to stop pestering and tormenting the other 2 and I REALLY want him to stop talking back to us. I feel so hopeless after talking with him, and I feel like I have failed as a mother. He has a bad attitude and he is rude, disrespectful and angry most of the time. And I am at a loss at what to do. We have tried yelling, of course that didn't work, we have tried punishments (taking away privileges) we have tried rewards for good behavior, still nothing....and we always come back to yelling, mostly out of frustration and lack of knowing what else to do.

I am so tired of the struggle. I know that no one said being a parent was easy, I just thought there would be times when things might be easier. I am very disheartened that I can't seem to keep up with family devotions either. My husband was supposed to be in charge, but if I don't mention it, it doesn't get done. I know it should be a top priority, but isn't it his job, not mine?

Uuugggg! I hate feeling like this. I want to be a good mom, I just don't know how to deal with some of our issues right now. I can't keep up with the house, the toys are everywhere, laundry needs to be done (and I have been doing it everyday!) I am so emotionally exhausted from the struggles with the kids that I become physically tired and don't want to finish the housework most days.

I am not writing any of this for pity. I am just venting after what was a particularly hard day. I of course, hope tomorrow will be better. But most days seem to be going this way and I need to get the frustration out and figure out how to talk with the kids and teach them the right behavior, which apparently I am not good at or maybe we wouldn't have this problem now.

hopefully a good nights sleep will find me in better spirits....if the toddler stays in bed :)

New look

Ok, I have had this blog for a little over a year I think, and I have been slowly learning how to work it! I just customized some things and I am so excited. I really wish I was savy enough to make it really famcy and pretty, maybe that will come. But for now I am jsut happy to have Christmas colors and a pretty snowy picture (from my front yard during the blizzards we had last year).

I hope to keep learning how to make it better looking, and I really hope to have some more time to blog (as well as a topic) very soon!

Christmas ebook

I was just reading this review over at Enjoy the Journey. I have been saddened that Lindsay isn't updating her Christmas blog (though the archives are still available), so when I read the review I started thinking that this could be the thing I am looking for.

If you are looking for some good Christian perspective on Christmas and some activities and recipes, it looks like Marybeth Whalen has the answers. Go take a look!