weigh in and summer school

wow, I haven't done a regular Tuesday morning weigh in in quite a while.  I have had quite a spring!  Lots going on and lots to think about, that my weigh loss has gotten pushed to a back burner.  not totally lost, but definitely not been my focus with my grandmother's death and funeral and the vacations we took just before that.  WOW!

Well, though I gained during vacation, I have lost 3.6 of those pounds since the last time I weighed in.  Though it has been a couple of weeks, I am thankful for a step in the right direction.  I am hoping to focus more on my eating and exercising again now that things are shifting to a slower pace as summer approaches.

We school through the summer so there will be no last day, but we are finishing up some things that we won't continue in the summer.  My daughter (10) will finish up some math and language books this week.  My son (12) will do math through the summer because we have had some struggles with getting him to do the work without checking the back of the book for answers.  Then we will all do a Civil war book study over the summer.  I am very excited about it and so grateful for that resource. Unfortunately we can't go visit the sites like they can, but my parents are going back east to some of those areas and I asked them to grab photos, postcards or other fun things if they can.  I ordered many of the books from the library and am choosing to buy a few that I think would be good contributions to our library here at home.  I have adapted some of the readings for my ages, as my oldest is only 12.  I will be reading Uncle Tom's cabin, but most likely I won't be reading it to them.  I am using mostly the everyone, littles and middles books.  I am also adding the American girl Addy books since my daughter has them, hasn't read them yet, and loves the series.

I am hoping this will be a fun study at a slow easy pace.  we will also be camping some this summer as well as swimming at my grandfather's pool. 

see what others weighed in at, and what they are thankful for

Mother's Day loss

My grandmother died on mother's day.  I got a call as I was ditching church, laying in bed reading and painting my nails.  My parent's said she wasn't breathing well, that's all they knew.  She had been in a nursing home for two years and was doing just fine.  (we found out later she choked on some food, aspirated and there was a DNR so they couldn't do anything for her) But I knew I had to go to her.  I thought I would make it.  I dressed, packed a bag and waited for my husband to get home from church.  Then I drove 2 hours to where she was in the nursing home.  When I arrived I was still sure I'd made it in time.  As I walked up to the building one of my cousins was coming out and she told me it was too late.  I cried.  I couldn't believe I missed her.  I went to her room where my aunts and uncle were around her bed and I had missed it by five minutes.  I sobbed!  I was present when my maternal grandmother passed away and somehow it was important to me to be here too.  but I was late.  I kept going over it in my head, if I had not waited for my husband to come home, or if I had not stopped to fill up a water bottle before I left, or if I had sped, or taken a different route, what if I hadn't stopped for lunch on my way?  I sobbed and sobbed.

My Grammy was 90 years old. She had been getting progressively more senile for 10 years, the last few were the worst.  There was such a conflict in me over her well being and my parents which I wrote about here. But to know she is gone, it is so final.  I have had such a torrent of emotion over the last week and a half.  Her funeral was on Friday.  We went to Pueblo and stayed a few nights in a hotel.  we should have stayed with my cousin, but we hadn't seen each other in 10 years and it seemed weird.  In retrospect we should have just done it.  But it was great to be with family.  To reconnect with them.  I am so sentimental and sappy. I love them and was glad to be with them, even if it took this sad time to bring us together.

I miss my Grammy.  I have missed her for a long time.  But it is final and she is gone, and I have been feeling like I don't have enough memories, enough pictures, and I just want to hang on so tightly to the ones I have. I am overwhelmed with my emotion and distress of the last week and then I go a day with out crying and I wonder if I have forgotten.  Or I feel cold and uncaring that I can't cry today.

I was so blessed to be loved by her. And I never want her forgotten!

TWO

WOW~ it has been two whole years since we welcomed this little miracle into our family.  At the time I knew she'd be the last.  Right now she still is, though with each passing day, as I see her growing up, I long for another baby to hold.  As she runs farther from me and spends more time playing big kid games, I remember the early days and how tiny she was (though she was my biggest at 10lbs 13oz).  I want more babies, but I haven't convinced my husband of that :)  and so for now I have to watch as my baby learns to climb and jump, as she mimics older siblings and asserts her independence.  She is such a joy!  Her smile lights up a room and when she laughs, you can't help but laugh along...it is truly contagious.

Two years has flown by.  I am so blessed that I get to be her mom.  I don't feel worthy of it.

Happy Birthday Emma!

weighing in after vacation

Well, we went on vacation for almost 2 weeks and I gained a little over 5 lbs!  I was afraid it would happen.  See, this is the part of this journey that is hardest for me to wrap my mind around...eating with other people who eat the SAD (Standard American Diet).  I don't eat that way anymore.  And though I am losing slowly, I am losing.  We eat differently but when we are with family we have to eat what they are eating, mostly processed foods with a slew of artificial preservatives, colors and flavors.  I know we can't be perfect all the time, but after eating that way for almost 2 weeks, it did reek some havoc on my body and I gained weight.  And WOW did I feel horrible.  I felt bloated and irritable and sluggish.  I had forgotten.  Oh and since there were 3 birthdays celebrated in that time, I at so much store bought cake full of nasty ingredients, but let me tell you, after the very first bite, I craved it!  I couldn't get enough of that frosting!  I really made myself sick on it.  bleck!

So, this week I am happily back to eating well now that we are home.  It has been hard because I am coming off that processed stuff and kind of detoxing.  I have had a headache and felt kind of tired this week, but am so glad to be back on real food!.

I have more trips with family coming up this summer.  They will be shorter, but I still worry about the food.  I don't like feeling like my body is on this roller coaster, and I don't like gaining weight so quickly that it took me so long to lose.  I wish I knew how to balance this better.  How to be around people who don't eat this way, and not offend them, but eat better.  And it isn't really about educating them on the subject (though I'd like to spread my knowledge) but it is about not losing ground in my journey and keeping my body functioning at it's best.

but for now I will just get back to normal and hope my body will release those pounds quicker this time.