the one where I'm hijacked

 a little over a month ago, my thoughts were taken up with planning a trip to an apple farm, starting new school subjects and staying in my budget...then my life was hijacked!

wow! the last few weeks have been such a whirlwind.  we got our preliminary application approved to adopt through the agency where we saw that picture.  then the agency sent us a much more detailed secondary application. that took about 2 and a half weeks to complete and was quite involved!  now we are waiting on that approval to know if we can start the home study...which is supposed to be MORE INVOLVED! I mean, I don't know what more they want to know, I think they know everything!

but after that we will be able to ask specifically for the girl we want, and then I should be able to post some pictures of her.

we don't know right now how long this whole thing will take, I am thinking, maybe, about June, but we are hoping to have her by her birthday in August.  if things hurry along, I have recently heard stories of people getting their children in 7mo...that would put us in April.

please pray with us for fast moving in all the departments that need to move us through.

the one with the girl

so I have been feeling overwhelmingly pulled towards adoption in the last year.  I have frequently poured over waiting child websites just looking at orphans in need of families.  and I have cried.  my heart has been broken over and over for these children.  I feel like I have a good home and lots of love.  and then I am taken aback that I could dream of helping, it wouldn't make a difference, I can't adopt them all! I'd think, how can I pick one?  and leave the next?  how would I know which one would be the one?  how is it fair to the others I didn't pick? 

I often have a list of kids I am praying for and about saved in "MY" section on one of the adoption sites.  sometimes I'd show brendan a picture and tell the story.  he would look and make a few comments, but nothing indicating he was moved by that child...so I looked on...

then, about 2 weeks ago...I showed him a girl, I had seen her picture a few days earlier and stuck her in my "que" and prayed.  she was so beautiful!  and when I showed her to brendan,  he cried. 

we just knew...she's the one...

THE STARFISH POEM
Once upon a time there was a wise man
who used to go to the ocean
to do his writing.
He had a habit of walking
on the beach
before he began his work.
One day he was walking along
the shore.
As he looked down the beach,
he saw a human
figure moving like a dancer.
He smiled to himself to think
of someone who would
dance to the day.
So he began to walk faster
to catch up.
As he got closer, he saw
that it was a young man
and the young man wasn't dancing,
but instead he was reaching
down to the shore,
picking up something
and very gently throwing it
into the ocean.
As he got closer he called out,
"Good morning! What are you doing?"
The young man paused,
looked up and replied,
"Throwing starfish in the ocean."
"I guess I should have asked,
why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"
"The sun is up and the tide is going out.
And if I don't throw them in they'll die."
"But, young man, don't you realize that
there are miles and miles of beach
and starfish all along it.
You can't possibly make a difference!"
The young man listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another starfish
and threw it into the sea,
past the breaking waves and said-
"It made a difference for that one."

I know this poem is cliche in the adoption world...but it is profoundly true nonetheless...

one girl will know love, and family and bedtime stories and family vacations and dinner games....and Jesus 

God whispered in the dark...and we say yes

 

the one with the dream

in february of 2006 I had a dream...I was getting off an airplane, and at my side was a little girl with shiney black hair about shoulder length.  she had olive or light brown skin, dark eyes and she's holding my hand. she has on a dress with little flowers on it and a ribbon around the middle, tied in a big bow in the back and a white sweater. she is wearing a little backpack.

she is adopted, from where I don't know, but we are greated with lots of people as we get off the plane.

that's it.  I woke up that morning feeling like this was a message from God!  so I started looking into it.  I looked to guatemala, feeling strongly she would come from there.  I read books and searched the internet for information.  I was nervous to talk with brendan or family at first.  when I did approach the subject finally with brendan months later and then more seriously a year later, I got pregnant.  clearly God said wait.

as emma grew older I again felt the tug of my heart towards orphans...and again, I got pregnant.  clearly God was saying...not yet....

The one with the courage

I am standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down into darkness...the unknown. God is asking me to step out!  I am so afraid!  I know He will be there, He is there now...guiding and directing my steps.  But I am afraid none the less.  Life changing things are coming and I know they are right and good...but "what ifs" and unknowns still haunt me...

what if we make the wrong decisions, what if we can't handle all this...I am already weary.  I love my life and my kids and all the things I believe are God's calling and direction on my life, but I am tired.  I need rest...rest in Him...deep breaths...

so here I stand on the cliff, and God says jump...am I ready?  can I handle it?  is it too much, too hard, too...crazy?

I am praying...crying out for clear answers...they are coming... but I still feel afraid...

maybe that's ok.  if I could do this on my own, with my own strength and understanding...well, it wouldn't be trust and love and sacrifice worthy of our Lord. if I could do it on my own, I wouldn't need Him...and He wants me to need Him...

so I trust and pray and love.....

The one where I come back....

I obviously gave up on this little blogging venture a while ago...WOW!  but I have some life changing things coming and want to be able to write about them for family and friends...and me :)

so, I will update this real quick before starting on the new stuff...

we have been on a cruise and had another baby since last I wrote.  really?  that's all that's changed??  hmmm...oh! I forgot, we bought a house in Beulah! and well, I guess that and we've added a new budding driver to the family...

for our fifteenth anniversary in june of 2011 brendan and I went to california and took a cruise for a week down to cabo san lucas and puerto vallarta.  it was amazing and so relaxing and fun! we went snorkeling and shopping and brendan got to zipline through the jungle!  we hope to do another cruise someday but maybe take the kids...we'll see :)

then I got pregnant after months of praying about letting God have control of our family size.  And little Micah James was born on April 26th, 2012. ok, not so little, he weighed 11lbs 6oz!!

of course he is big now...almost 18months!

our beautiful house in Beulah came to us in a round about way...we had talked for a couple of years about how fun it would be and we looked at this house across the street from grandad's. but it was out of our price range and we were in the middle of buying rentals, so it just wasn't possible.  well fast forward to june 2012 and brendan out of the blue says we should look to see if that house was still for sale...it was!!  we talked with the owner, a sweet old lady and she sold us the house for $50,000!  what a huge blessing as that was wahy under her original price.  we scraped up most the money and borrowed a little, and a year later we have it paid off!  we love it there, and though the house is small, we really all fit!  and have so much fun!

and jordan has grown so much! wow!  he now holds a learners permit and is becoming a fine driver.  my dad gave him grammie's old buick, so we are fixing it up and he will have that for his transportation! I can't find pictures so I'll wait to post more on that later.

we have some big things coming this year so I have decided to try to blog the coming journey.  hopefully I can record my thoughts and feelings along the way.