the one with the memories

so, Brendan's grandpa is being evaluated because he has a severe and quickly advancing dementia.  He talked with him on Christmas day and he was fine, and by new years he was in the hospital and didn't know anyone.  it's weird. I feel for the family, having to make tough decisions.  Brendan's grandmother is still fairly lucid but has physical needs and can't be by herself because of them. his mom is staying with her. so they are trying to place them in a facility together, but I know that can be hard with different needs.


I remember writing about my Grammy. I didn't grow up with Brendan's grandparents, but there is a part of me that wants to run to the rescue.  I want to go stay with them and take care of them so they don't have to be separated or in a facility where they don't know anyone and are lonely.  But, even more then it wasn't my responsibly in my grandmother's case, it isn't my place.  Their kids are making the decisions and the choices for them.  but it hurts my heart. 

these wonderful people helped raise my husband and were like his parents when his mom had to work 3 jobs.  particularly his grandfather was his father figure as his father wasn't around.  Brendan is having a hard time.  I offered to have him go out to OKC and visit with out us so he could spend some time with them (having our whole family go could turn into quite a production).  but he struggles.  he wants to remember them the way they were.  he doesn't want to see them in this weak and vulnerable state. believe me, I get that...but that has to make them feel lonely and sad, like they aren't valuable anymore.

I wish things were like in the old days, where family took care of their elders.  and if certain family couldn't, others could.  like how I wanted to help my parents, but they felt it was their burden to carry and how Brendan's mom and her siblings can't care for them, for various reasons, but I could...I know I am romanticizing the whole thing I am sure, it's work taking care of people who are grown but need constant help like small children.  I just wish it was more the norm instead of looking to strangers and institutions.

the one with the goals...

so, I didn't lose a hundred pounds last year. but I did lose and consistently keep off about 15lbs.  that's a start, right?  I mean, the fact that I really lost that weight in the first 3 months of the year and then ended the year at about that same place, means I must be doing something a little right.  I do wish it was more, but honestly, I didn't do much after those first 3 months to really lose weight.  so, I am back at it again, starting with a fresh attitude of changing some things to create better habits.  I have had some good habits this year, and some I need to work on.  snacking is huge right now, coming off Christmas and family, we were always eating.  I didn't weigh myself today, I forgot when I got up and of course have eaten.  I will weigh tomorrow and then try to keep it to Mondays.  


my plan is to go back to the green smoothies for breakfast and then include lots of fruits and veggies if I feel snacky instead of  chocolate and cookies and such that I have been snacking on the last month.  I still cook well, with good quality fats and grass fed meats and we get fresh milk and eggs.  I have some saved veggies and apples from the farm and am trying to come up with good meals made from those.  so that is good, just less junky snacks that have taken over my life the last month would be great.

I also want to work in some exercise.  I haven't officially decided, but I am thinking I will ride my stationary bike for at least one 10 min period per day or I just read about this walking challenge. that sounds doable. and I agree with her reasoning...I need to take more care to care for myself.  I am not being selfish, but my health affects the rest of the family.  I also would like to get back to the Biggest Loser video I was doing at the beginning of last year, maybe 3 times a week.

so, also, I may list out my menu plan or I might post what I did eat, not sure yet.  today I had a green smoothie for breakfast with peaches, strawberries, yogurt, milk, spinach and a touch of honey.  but then I was cleaning out the fridge and came across some things left from last week that I had forgotten about and I ate some, mainly a sweet bread and so good!  then I had some chocolate left in my stocking and I figured I should get rid of that before I get started buckling down.  I ended up having lunch of tortilla with a little butter and cheese on it.

so far today hasn't gone so well, that's why I decided I needed to come here and post something about the goals so I have something to look at to keep me accountable.  tonight I am making butternut squash soup with some garlic bread.  not too bad if I go easy on the bread :)

tomorrow is smoothie for breakfast, similar to today.  lunch is going to be homemade chicken nuggets and carrots. dinner is probably going to be steak with beets and corn.

in other goals...we started back to our lessons today.  mainly basics as I re evaluate where everyone is and what needs to happen next.  we did a laid back study of the orchestra and a short history of several composers in Dec instead of our regular core subjects.  I still want to finish that this month since there is more in depth on each instrument that we didn't get to.  I also plan to do some study of artists this semester and maybe over the whole year.  Oh and I signed us up to participate in this Amazon study. since we have been studying geography I thought this would be a great way to start off the new year.

well, just some of the goals I have been mulling over.  there may be more to mention soon, but that gets me started.