the one where I almost burn down our house

so, last night while I was writing that very depressing post, I had flicked on my crock pot which had a jar of yogurt warming in it, with plans to write a post, switch laundry and then turn it off.  it needed to be on just long enough to get warm so it could stay warm all night.  I had the jar wrapped in towels, and then in the crock pot then the pot was wrapped in a big towel, and I had a thermometer stuck in next to the jar and sticking out enough for me to see through the lid, so I could semi regulate the temp.


well, I put in some diapers to do a rinse cycle then I sat down to write that post (talk about being fortuitous, you know, about how I fail!) anyway, I then went and started the diapers on a soak, and then went to bed.

about 3am my husband woke me up and said he smelled something...we ran to the kitchen to fine the crock pot bubbling away and smoking!  he took the outer towel off and the handles of the pot were melted! Bren took the lid off and smoke poured out so he put it back.  in the jar you could see the milk boiling!  we were afraid that the jar and or the crock would crack or even explode.  the jar was capped so that was really our biggest fear.  of course we turned the thing off and then I sat up to make sure nothing was on fire. 

after it seemed the disaster was averted, I went to bed.  this morning it is all cool so I took the towels out and they are burnt.  the milk in the jar has separated and the solids are brown! yuck!

I could learn a lesson, but in the vein of my last post, I am going to mope and just commit never to use an appliance again!

supermom...NOT!

I feel like a failure!  I have so many ideals, in so many areas...and I am not even coming close to achieving any of it.  I guess some might say my expectations are too high.  well, I am not happy with mediocrity and  I don't want to just do what everyone else does.  Jesus said we are to be set apart from the world...right?

I have this idea of what a wife and mother is supposed to do.  and that idea is kind of a new revelation that I have gotten from trying to find out what God's plan for me is. but I fall so short of what I think He wants and I don't know how to fit into that mold.  not only that, but I am trying to model it for my daughters and, again, I fall short.  and though this is sounding very self pitying and depressing right now, I am not trying to be very "poor me" about the whole thing.  I am really trying to figure out what to do.

I want to be a good wife, a help meet. I want to be a Proverbs 31 wife who rises early and stays up late, who makes good decisions and manages her household well.  But I have very little energy and though I feel like my motivation is there, because I do want to be that good, it must not be since I can't find the energy to get off the couch and clean or cook or all the millions of other tasks that need done.

Oh I do cook, and sometimes well.  but not all the time.  and I do clean up, when we are having company. but not consistently.  that is the problem.  I can do it for a little while, but not consistently.

I read my bible or do a devotions or study, for a while...then I lose it.  and the kids get Bible teaching and family devotions, sometimes.  but that is so not the example I want to set.  I want to raise my kids to love God and obey him and know in their hearts it is right!  so why can't I?

And I wanted more kids, it is an ache on my heart.  I would love a baby again. I would also love to adopt.  but neither is an option because my husband says no.  I wish he had the same philosophy I do, to let God decide.  I feel like he is wrong to not let God have control.  he sees it as being a good steward by not having more.  But I know he also doesn't think I can handle it.  I think, if I were a better house keeper and better at not losing my temper with the kids, maybe he would change his mind.

I want to be a godly wife, and obey my husband, but it makes me feel like I get no say in anything, and that what I think doesn't matter.  and I feel guilty for thinking this way.  is this just my sinful human nature?

well, mostly this is written to get my feelings out.  to have a place to express it where I won't be judged for how I feel.  I don't feel like I can talk to him about most of the things that I want,  he just doesn't understand me. 

I love him, and he loves me, and he is a good provider...I just wish we saw eye to eye on some stuff. and I wish I could be better, so he would be proud of me.

HAPPY FALL!!!

Oh I am so excited it is finally fall.  this is my favorite time of year!  I love the pumpkin spice frappuccinos at Starbucks, I love pumpkin bread and soup and cool weather and colors on the trees and in my yard.  An there is the snow...the first snow of the year is so magical.

I am such a little kid when it comes to this time of year.  Between now and Christmas I am perfectly giddy!

We haven't been doing much formal learning around here lately.  Bren is working the swing shift (2-10pm) and so our schedule is a bit off.  We get up and hang out with dad for a while.  I do any errands that need to be done with none or some of the kids, or else Bren does some business he can't usually do after work on rental houses, or some project around our house.  Then the kids play more with dad and I make lunch or clean something.  Dad heads to work after lunch and we read some books or do a computer game (educational of course).  There is some book work, but not much :)  and then some outside play, dinner and a movie before bed.  And bed is a hard adjustment.  I am not used to doing it alone. 

So tomorrow will make it two weeks we have been on this schedule.  And there is one week to go.  Then he should get back to normal hours and we can get back into our normal routine.  It has been interesting, and we are managing fine (better then if he was on the midnight shift) but still, I don't care for it and want normal hours back.  Luckily he get the weekend off, last weekend he had to work Sunday.

Anyway, we are reading The Bronze Bow, doing art projects, decorating for fall, doing an online drawing class, baking cookies and muffins.  then there is math, which I am trying to do with some "living" books and games, and they are reading some nature readers, some books on the senses, we read about China and planets.  I guess things are progressing along.  I think it is good to write this stuff out because when you are taking the life learning approach, it is easy to think you aren't doing any "school work".

well, that's all for now, but again I say HAPPY FALL!!