Why in the world is it called HOME school? I am never home, are you? I think I need to start saying no more. We are doing some fun things and some just errand things, but I feel like I am never home. When we are home I have to keep house and try to fit some lessons in. Well, lately it has felt like we are not getting much accomplished. I know there is more to home education then accomplishment, but I feel like daddybird is getting annoyed by the lack of visible progress. And me too, I mean, when I can't point to any exact learning experience during the day but that the kids all sang the ABC's with me...I know I am not doing my job.
I want desperately to be in the unschool crowd. I wholely believe in that philosophy. But what do I do when the kids don't know what they want to learn? We went to the library yesterday, and I asked them to each pick one fiction and one non-fiction book to check out. Princess got right to it and of course found 6 books in each category and I had to finally stop her and give her a limit or she would have piled all the books she could muster into the stroller. But J-train said "no". Just flat out I am not going to. No fighting or arguing (yet), just no. What do I do with that? Ummmm yes! So I told him it wasn't an option and after a few minutes he launched into all the reasons he couldn't do it (I don't see any, I don't like any, I can't, I don't want to...it went on and on). SO I called daddybird! He talked with him for a minute and then J-train proceeded to very slowly look at the books and he threw one random non-fiction book in the stroller. Then we went to the fiction section with chapter books. I told him I would offer some suggestions but that was met with whines about how I don't know what he likes...etc.
Oh and so he says even though I made him pick out the books, he isn't going to read them!
So what to do? If I demand he do as I asked and make him read books he doesn't want to read, well, that makes him want to resist more. But I feel like if I don't make him do it, he wouldn't get any books. He used to love reading. He told me yesterday he hates it!
So what do you do when your kids don't want to do anything?
Deanna,
ReplyDeleteOk, you asked :P
Don't make him get books at the library.
Number one way to kill a child's interest for the library.
Just keep going back to the library, and tell your son that he doesn't have to get anything if he doesn't want to. Or he can get a video. Or a book on tape, or a magazine. Or nothing.
Who cares if he gets something? I mean, look what happened when you forced him to get something. And what if you managed to coerce him to read those things? Ok, he MIGHT like them... but at what cost? And what if he doesn't like them?
Another thing you can try is to go ahead and pick some books out - because you think they are interesting. NOT because you want him to read it. Take them home, put them in the pile. If they get read, great (don't comment on it), if not, take them back, same thing next week.
But the number one thing to do to make this all SOOOO much easier, is to drop any expectation of what your son should be doing at the library. When you have expectations, you take your son out of the control loop, and he's fighting against that. He's trying to take back his control by not doing anything.
Once you give up control, he won't believe you at first. But eventually, when you really, truly honestly (and not just pretending in order to manipulate) give him the control to enjoy his library visit (and his enjoyment of the library collection at home) in his own way, will he take control and explore the library on his own.
Your son, and my daughter, are a lot alike. When someone tries to take control away from her, she says "no", even if it's something she LOVES. This is not a bad thing. You do not want to break your son of this. If you do, what have you won? This is who he is. He is telling you - let me learn my way, which is not your way. I am ME. Not YOU.
Just my two cents. Good luck enjoying the library together :)
P.S. I subscribed to your blog feed. Thank you for sharing your life, and struggles, that so many homeschooling parents are going through.