Tis the season

So, I am reading all sorts of things about not taking your family for granted this holiday season, and not getting overly stressed, just enjoy the ride, etc. Well, I like that idea. Just have fun, make memories, don't worry about doing everything perfect. Hmmm, somehow in the midtst of my good intentions, my schedule filled up. I have been going non-stop since, umm...well, um...now that I think about it, since September! I am looking back at my calendar here. I have everything written down that was a scheduled appointment, class, field trip, playdate, trip to see my parents in WY, and dinner dates, mom's night out, dad out with the guys, (phew I am tired just reading it) and we have been running constantly for months...no wonder I am tired!

And lately I have been pretty preoccupied with all the stuff. I am caught up in what I need to accomplish and what I have left to do before the BIG TRIP, that I haven't stopped to consider what my children are going through. Like today, we were walking into Walmart and I was carrying the baby, my purse and a newly purchased Starbucks Pumpkin spice Frapuccino (venti). My sweet Princess was walking in front of me and I guess she stopped for whatever reason and I hit her head with my hand and my newly purchase aforementioned drink went tumbling to the ground. I was in a hurry; angry it spilled because 1) I just got it and had only a couple of sips 2)I am trying to be frugal so when I treat myself like that it is kind of guiltridden anyway and 3) I had just had the thought that maybe I was carrying too much and should have left the drink in the car. So I proceeded to very childishly tell her it was her fault for stopping in front of me and why didn't she watch where she was going and now I didn't get to enjoy my yummy drink...I am so ashamed.

I love my baby. She didn't mean it. I shouldn't have gotten mad. It is times like that when I feel like the worst mother in the world. And it's not like I just got over it. I stewed about it through the whole store. My hubby called and I was short with him because I was still mad. And tonight I sit here regretting it all.

And I am again looking at the schedule for the next few days, (wrapping friends gifts, baking cookies for a cookie exchange, making cookies for Literature club -we read the gingerbread man, boy and baby, carrying out a pre planned party for my husbands work friends and their families where we bake cookies and visit, still have to buy those gifts, and then there is the labeling and mailing of the Christmas cards, oh and I haven't written the Christmas letter to go with it, and there is homeschool group caroling, and then another Christmas party with church friends, not to mention wrapping "santa" presents to take-secretly- to grandmas next week, oh and washing and packing, car maintenence....) and I am overwhelmed by all the commitments, things I don't think we can just get out of as my husband suggests. I want to enjoy this time of celebration. I want to enjoy the family and friends that I am doing all this for...

Maybe next year I will learn. Maybe I will remember and choose to say no to a few more things. Maybe.