UUUGGG! We have tried to start some kind of routine today. I got up, not all that early, but in enough time to actually make breakfast for the kids before they got tired of waiting and just ate cold cereal. I am dressed, and everyone but the 3 year old is dressed. I have read the Bible, though the kids haven't yet. My oldest has been working on math, we needed to catch up a bit before our new books come next week. He is learning division and is convinced it is the end of the world. If only I could get him to understand it is just the opposite of multiplication...
My daughter is cleaning her room, a good thing, except it always takes so long because she has to play as she goes, and 3 hours later she hasn't made much progress. The toddler is watching his 3rd movie of the morning. Is that ok? I feel like he shouldn't be watching tv, but he has been sick and I like this better then me sitting with him sprawled on my lap with a 103 degree fever, so I let it go.
My point today is that I don't feel like I really have any goals for our learning right now. I can think of all these great things I want us to learn about, but the details of actually doing anything just aren't falling in place. I have my oldest fighting everything I try tooth and nail, the toddler just wants to be in the middle of everything, or at least have my attention, and over the holidays my mom got on my case because my daughter (7, second grade) told her she didn't know how to write. My mom (who teaches art in public school) started in on how she needs a spelling book and there are certain standards she needs to meet for sentence writing and blah, blah, blah...
Of course the next time I went shopping that same daughter brought me a shopping list of all the things she was buying with her Christmas money. Not everything was spelled right, but I'd say that her claim of not being able to write was a bit overexagerated. But of course how do I defend myself against my mom who wants spelling books and structured lessons and I told her our writing consists of copying poems and scriptures and we do read and I have taught her the phonics rules. We finally dropped the subject, because no one was giving in. Now I feel bad though, like I need to prove to her my daughter can write. I shouldn't have to, it isn't about what she thinks, but it's my MOM. ya know?
So I feel a bit lost right now, like I need to change something, be more structured, fill in some blanks I know we are missing. But how. I know the biggest weakness in our learning is the writing, but I don't know how to fill it in without doing "school at home". I think our relaxed style works for us, but how do I fill in those blanks and keep that "unschool" feel?
I am just hoping to have some kind of revelation soon.
Oh boy Deanna, you have a whole lot going on right now in your head, don't you?
ReplyDeleteTake a deeeeep breath - it's all small stuff. Everything you said in your post is, by itself, not a big deal. It's all small stuff.
What are the important things?
- you're healthy
- you're together
- you're living with love in your heart
- your children are growing and learning in general
When all the details start to overwhelm you, say to yourself,
"I set you free."
"Clean room, I set you free."
"Mom, I set you free."
"Math, I set you free."
"My darling children, I set you free."
"Free from my expectations, from my worry, from my emotions. You own your own life and emotions and choices. They are not my responsibility or my burden to bear. I set you all free."
Once they are free, so are you. And then you can tackle the important things.
The key phrase in your post is this: "My point today is that I don't feel like I really have any goals for our learning right now."
Is this really true? Do you not have any goals at all? Don't you have goals such as:
- my children to love learning
- my children to learn the things that make them happy, growing people right now
- my children to learn to learn
- my children to have love in their hearts
- my children to believe in themselves
- my children to know they are capable and strong
Stuff like that? Those are the important goals. Whether they know division or clean their room or watch TV, those aren't goals, those are worries.
So let it all go. Let go that you're letting your son watch a lot of TV while he's sick, let go that your other son is having trouble with division, let it go that your daughter would rather play than clean. When you let it go, you can make space between you and the worry.
What exactly will happen if you let your son do more multiplication for a while instead, or even something entirely different such as measuring or basic algebra or geometry? What will happen if you play games for a while instead of do workbooks? What would happen if your daughter's room isn't clean? Would the world fall apart?
You would worry more. You would be bugged more. You would be annoyed. But what about your kids? Would they care about all that? Who's the one getting upset and annoyed when you let go? You, not them.
Therefore, by holding on to all of this, you are creating your own misery, not the children. They are trying to make their lives happy, and you are getting in the way. Give them space, be WITH them on their journey to love life and God and themselves. Don't impose on them this requirement or the requirement to make sure you don't worry so much. Their job is not to make sure you don't freak out. Their job is to grow.
This is a conversation I've had with myself many times. I don't mean to be harsh, and I hope I don't come across that way. But what we, as moms, often don't realize, is that we have the power within us to make our lives better by not trying to be supermom anymore, and instead, enjoying the life we have and the children God gave us, without trying to make the world fit our expectations or assuage our worries and fears.
Big hugs to you, and I hope you have time today to sit with your sick son, watch some TV, play with your daughter while she cleans, and spend more time enjoying learning together with your son.
BTW, your mom has no idea about what your life is like. Don't let her worries control you. Listen, acknowledge, then set her worries free. You aren't responsible for making sure she doesn't worry. :)
Tammy