Heavy subject

  I am feeling very run down.  My body is giving out on me.  I am feeling the weight of my...weight.  I have always been over weight.  Sometimes more then others.  I think I have been a been heavier then I am now, but not by much.  I have always felt pretty healthy and strong though.  until now.  I am discouraged because I have no energy.  I know that exercising is supposed to give you energy, but it is so hard to get started.  I need a good kick in the pants I think!

I think I need help is what I am saying.  Doing this on my own just isn't an option any more.  I know I need to eat better, but my will power isn't there, and I know I need to exercise, but again, no motivation.  I do not want to use any kind of artificial weight loss method...that means no gimmicks, no fad diets(or fake supplements), no surgeries.  But that also means no quick fix.  This is a long hard road to loosing at least a hundred pounds. 

Brendan wants to help but I guess I feel like he is being bossy and judgemental when he says "do you really need that extra helping?"  So I can't have him be anything but a cheerleader.  I have friends who need to loose weight too, but I feel like they, like me, struggle with motivation and will power and in the past I have found them to not be as helpful.

So what do I need?  I'd love to have a Biggest Looser environment with out the embarrassment of national television.  I need a scheduled time for exercise.  I need good solid, healthy, meal plans I can stick to.

I want to be better.  I want to be healthier.  I want to be thinner and have more energy for my family... but I am tired.  I have always had to deal with this and I am tired of it.  I obviously haven't do a very good job, but still I am tired of dealing with it.

I will probably continue to address this subject...hopefully with a more positive outlook, and a plan.