the one with the memories

so, Brendan's grandpa is being evaluated because he has a severe and quickly advancing dementia.  He talked with him on Christmas day and he was fine, and by new years he was in the hospital and didn't know anyone.  it's weird. I feel for the family, having to make tough decisions.  Brendan's grandmother is still fairly lucid but has physical needs and can't be by herself because of them. his mom is staying with her. so they are trying to place them in a facility together, but I know that can be hard with different needs.


I remember writing about my Grammy. I didn't grow up with Brendan's grandparents, but there is a part of me that wants to run to the rescue.  I want to go stay with them and take care of them so they don't have to be separated or in a facility where they don't know anyone and are lonely.  But, even more then it wasn't my responsibly in my grandmother's case, it isn't my place.  Their kids are making the decisions and the choices for them.  but it hurts my heart. 

these wonderful people helped raise my husband and were like his parents when his mom had to work 3 jobs.  particularly his grandfather was his father figure as his father wasn't around.  Brendan is having a hard time.  I offered to have him go out to OKC and visit with out us so he could spend some time with them (having our whole family go could turn into quite a production).  but he struggles.  he wants to remember them the way they were.  he doesn't want to see them in this weak and vulnerable state. believe me, I get that...but that has to make them feel lonely and sad, like they aren't valuable anymore.

I wish things were like in the old days, where family took care of their elders.  and if certain family couldn't, others could.  like how I wanted to help my parents, but they felt it was their burden to carry and how Brendan's mom and her siblings can't care for them, for various reasons, but I could...I know I am romanticizing the whole thing I am sure, it's work taking care of people who are grown but need constant help like small children.  I just wish it was more the norm instead of looking to strangers and institutions.