the one with the reflection

now all the arrangements are made, and we have picked out all the amazing sights we will see ...great wall, forbidden city, kung fu show, safari park, temples...and we even found out we get to see the orphanage and her boarding school!   so it should be a fun filled time.

I am also keenly aware right now, of the emotional trip this will be.  we have been through a range of emotions this last year. but Xiangting, she has only known of us less then a month.  by the time we show up it will be just over a month. she has a lot of adjustments to make.  I wonder what she thinks of all this.  I wonder if she is excited, scared, angry, confused....maybe all of the above. (I know I'm feeling all of those too)

we see adoption as this great thing, but to a child who's whole world is getting torn away...they don't always see it that way.  and I don't blame them...this is hard.  I can't imagine suddenly being in the midst of people who I don't understand and who don't understand me.(I'll find out soon!)  I don't know what they expect, I can't ask questions...what happened!?! (at least we get a translator some of the time) she is older, it's probably been explained to her...but how can you really be prepared for this change.  she has suffered so much loss in her young life...loss of her mother and father...loss of multiple friends and "nannies" as I am sure some have come and gone over the years...now the loss of all that is familiar.  it is breaking my heart.  I feel a bit guilty.  how can I cause her so much pain?

I think about our loving Heavenly Father and how sometimes He has to rip us from all we hold dear, to teach us what we've been missing. it hurts...the loss of comfort and familiarity...but there is so much more waiting, that we never even knew existed.  but I fight Him too...I don't want to let go of my routines, my safety, my picture perfect life to go traipsing of to the other side of the world...

but He's teaching me...about trusting...about letting go...about love...about stretching myself

and so, we ask for more and more prayers over the next few weeks...they are going to be hard weeks....but we know all will be done for the glory of Yehovah! and this precious girl doesn't know Him yet...but I hope He will comfort her heart all the same, til we can teach her about the love, sacrifice and redemption of the One Who Holds All These Things In His Hands!