being a grown up

Being a grown up is hard.  Sometimes, many times, you have to make hard decisions.  You have to deal with things that you'd rather not.  I don't like being a grown up.  Why is it that kids spend so much time trying to be more grown up.  They don't know how good they've got it.  I was like that.  I couldn't wait to grow up and have babies.  They have been a blessing.  But sometimes I have had to make hard decisions, and it is then that I wish I hadn't grown up so fast.  Like when I had to hand my 6 week old baby over to have surgery that I didn't think she'd come out of.  Or when I pushed my son into a preschool classroom and had to stand on the other side and hold it closed to keep him in.  And now, my 5 year old son is going to be evaluated by a speech therapist.  I have known for a long time he needed it.  I was trying to deny it.  I have worked hard to try to help him overcome his speech issues with out outside help.

But it's time to be a grown up.

I don't know why it is so hard for me.  I think part of it is that I don't want him to be stigmatized as different.  He already is by the fact that he can't be understood by anyone outside of our family (and sometimes not even by us).  But I don't want to admit there is a problem I guess.  I know he is so smart, the things he comes up with... but he can't get it all out.  His communication is lacking.  He is so brilliant and funny and brave and kind hearted... I don't want to admit to his fault.  I haven't wanted him to feel out of place by having to go and be tested and have people talk about his "disability"  but as it stands, he has no friends because they can't understand him, and I can see it hurts his feelings.

So finally I have realized it is time to take further intervention.  In 2 weeks he sees the speech therapist.  I am nervous, for me and for him.  He is shy around others (probably because of his impediment) and I worry he won't cooperate.  I worry that treatment will be long and complicated and he will feel bad about himself, or that it won't be fixable... I know I need to wait and see.  I can't jump to every possible conclusion... I need to relax and take it as we go.  I know if I trust God I will be able to get through and do the right thing.

I guess that is another part of the problem... I wonder if I am making the right decision.  My daughter came out of surgery and recovered and is a healthy 10 year old...I made the right decision.  My son hated school and didn't want to go and life was miserable for all of us... the wrong decision (though I took him out a few weeks later and was so glad to have him back home where he belonged...the right decision)  I don't know how this will turn out.  I hope it will be the right decision, I hope it wasn't the wrong decision to wait this long.  I only want what's best for my kids.

And sometimes I want to curl up in my mommy's lap and not have to be responsible for these other lives.


     

weigh in, random stuff, and gratitude

well, I lost a pound this week.  yay!  I am now finally down .6 lbs from my original loss (because I gained a bit back).  down to 279.4.  So, I definitely know I need to exercise.  I am just not making that a priority.  I have done little things to improve my daily  movement, which is good, but if I am going to really lose a big amount of weight, I am going to have to exercise.  I feel like I have some valid reasons why it isn't being worked in, but they are just excuses and if I really wanted to make it work, I would. 

So I am going to do the Biggest Loser cardio max 2-3 days a week and then ride our bike the other days, taking only Sundays off.   See Kris for more weigh ins.

Oh and I am totally excited to be taking that ecourse I mentioned!  I can't wait to learn about all the great natural, traditional ways to prepare food to make it more healthy and nutritious.  I am working my budget to try and incorporate raw milk but I may not be able to quite yet.  I am going to get a farm share of fruit and we are going to grow our own garden of veggies, I am going to get pastured eggs from a farm as well.  I will blog a bit about that as I go.  The course started this week and just talks about the basic definitions of natural and organic (according to the industry and according to God).

We are wrapping up our Revolutionary war unit this week and the kids are presenting a president report on Friday at our co-op.  Then we will get into Lewis and Clark and the westward expansion of our country.

Oh and I made a sour dough starter this last week, from scratch!  I made pancakes with it yesterday and they were great.  I am making the bread today so I will let ya know how it comes out.  I hear this is an art and it may not turn out the first time.

I haven't been blogging much on my spiritual journey as I had hoped.  I had said at the beginning of the year one of my resolutions was to become closer to my Creator.  I have been consumed with reading books, books about joy and God's love.  I have loved them and have been feeling more joy in my life then I have in a long time.  It is still mixed with days that I feel defeated.  I think that satan wants to make me feel like that so I can't press on.  But I am continuing to look up and know that God loves me even when I don't love myself.  I still want to be better at doing my devotions.  I don't spend enough time with God alone.  But I am trusting him with some life situations and he is teaching me some things.  And I am so grateful for that.

challenge week 8

Wow, I have been on a roller coaster the last few weeks and have felt like I am going nowhere but back to where I started.  But the fact is that I haven't gained back all the weight I lost (even though it wasn't much) and so I keep looking forward at what I can do next to make habit changes. 

This week Kris issued the challenge of how to handle cravings. I don't think I have handled them too well in the last few weeks, but I have done better then ever before so that is a plus.  First, I don't deprive myself.  I have found that if I say "No chocolate" then the first thing I want is chocolate!  So I do have some.  I keep my favorite chocolate around but only have one or two squares and keeping it cold helps because it takes longer to eat, allowing for the feeling of indulging.  I also discovered this smoothie and it is fabulous!!  I use honey instead of agave but it really feels indulgent and I am getting all those great vitamins and nutrients and way less calories then lets say a Reece's pb cup.  So that is working for me.  I have a cookie if I have made the kids some (I may even have two) but I am not getting carried away, because I don't feel deprived.

The second thing in the challenge is doing strength training along with he cardio.  I totally believe in this but haven't even found a way to work in exercise every day so I will keep it in mind as I get better at that.

Thanks for all the encouragement and great tips everyone!

perseverance

So over at Eclipsed, Kris asks every week if we have had a non scale victory (NSV).  If you look back, I have been having some rough weeks.  But I am sticking with it and still trying to actively reduce my portion sizes and put some more  movement into my day.  I think this week has been an improvement and I am feeling good about it even if it isn't going as fast or easy as I would like.  Because over all health is the ultimate goal, with the weightloss being the perk.  So, as long as I am changing habits, I am good.

I have chosen fruit this week, instead of cookies.  I have also had cookies, but not the whole batch.  I have gone up and down the stairs to do laundry instead of asking kids or husband to haul it for me.  I have parked in the back of lots and walked to the store (my kids hate that).  And I am working in more veggies.

I am pressing on.  And that is victory.

phew!

When I woke up this morning I decided that if I didn't weigh myself today, that I was essentially giving up.  And I don't want to give up.  I always give up.  I want to make this work even if it takes a long time and is really hard. Even if I have set backs.  I want to change the way I live. And so I got up and went to the scale.

And ya know what?  280.4  A pound down from last week.  And with me feeling like I didn't work very hard at it this week, that is great!  Of course I know if I worked even a little harder it would be more.  I don't have to kill myself working out or deprive myself, I need to get that through my thick skull!! 

And so I will keep on going, working in more movement and more veggies, and keeping a good attitude towards this process, that is my goal this week.

see how well Kris did!

humbug

I haven't been exercising and can't seem to find the motivation.  I am grumpy and my toddler won't let me have 10 seconds to type here so I will just say that I didn't make it to buy the pedometer I was going to last week to complete the challenge from last week.

This week challenge one is not really something I can do.  I mean, my goal food wise is for more natural foods, in their raw state as much as possible. But my emphasis isn't really on protein and good carbs.  I don't necessarily believe that that approach is the best.  My focus is on veggies, fruits and again, whole foods.  I do eat meat, but not tons.  My protein comes a lot from beans and some cheese, eggs and yogurt.  I am playing with the idea of going raw for my milk, I just need to find the best way to work it into my budget.  So maybe I will just challenge myself to up my veggies this week.

I already have lots of scripture posted around my house so I will think about what I can add to motivate me to exercise.

I may skip weigh in tomorrow and eat some truffles at the rate I am going.  I need some kind of real kick in the pants to get me moving. I am not sure what it is but I was so gung ho a few weeks ago and like always I have fizzled out.  I need to pray more and worry less. and here comes the toddler so I gotta go...

Food

Hmmm, where to start?  well, I have a certain philosophy about things that is not really mainstream, hence the blog name.  Well, the crux of that philosophy is the word natural.  I have an evolving definition of what natural is.  At first it meant just organic veggies and dairy, then it was grass fed meats and cloth diapers, then it was vinegar to clean with and ridding us of chemical laden skin care etc.  I have dabbled in trying to get more items of food locally.  We even moved to 39 acres in an attempt to try to live more naturally.  (It was a terrible place that we chose and moved promptly back to the city).

But I continue to want to learn more.  I really want to live in the way God intended.  Naturally.  That means no birth control, no hydrogenated oils or corn syrup, and I have been getting better.  We aren't perfect, and I have mentioned my addiction to fast food.  Well, I believe 100% that the reason for the addiction has nothing to do with the foods themselves but the process, chemicals, preservatives and altered things added as well as things subtracted...the nutrition!  All in the name of "progress".

Anyway, I have been developing a sense of despair about being able to really live naturally.  I mean, come on, I don't know where to get raw milk (since it is illegal) and I can go to a farmers market in the summer but where do I get my veggies today?  I want to do these things but they take so much work, and money.  I feel sometimes like I can't do it, and so we fall back into old habits and buying fake foods.

I believe every American needs to watch this film. I cry, really.  I am so saddened by our countrys treatment of people (not to mention the animals).  And like they said...we vote 3 times a day (probably most of us more).  I want to be different so that our future and my kids' future is different.

It is interesting as I was hearing about the first Lady and her campaign to end obesity especially in children.  The answer is in this film.  EAT REAL FOOD!  The epidemic is being caused by the fake stuff they pass off as food.  It is addicting and it is dangerous.

I found this blog and I am late in coming but I have heard of Nourishing Traditions before and am now ready to start, but...it is overwhelming to know where to start.  But I am going to try to catch up and see if I can double up on some of the challenges from this week and last.  I am also considering taking this course.  We will see how I do in the next week or so.  But the philosophy expressed there is exactly how I feel and want to be.

SO, I am excited to really live well and locally and learn traditional cooking so that my family and hopefully future generations will be healthier and remember these dying art forms. And I can only imagine what it will do for my waist line :)

It's dark under here

SO I guess this week while Holly is back on the wagon...I fell off.  Maybe only so many people are allowed to be on the wagon at a time.  There is only so much room?  Does anyone know if that is the case?  Hmmm, well, in any case, I think that everything went out the window.  Exercise, eating well, my attitude....all fell down there under the wheels, where it is muddy and mucky. I think it may have something to do with a cute little neighbor girl who delivered some famous cookies to my door.  Now, I will admit that it was me who bought and paid for said cookies two weeks ago, but I will now continue to blame her until they are all gone, (which at the rate I am going won't be long).

 Or maybe it is because I spent the weekend at my parents' house.  They eat things like J I F peanut butter on white bread and the "syrup" in a bottle shaped like a cabin.  And my mom makes frosting for a birthday cake out of shortening!  uggg!  I keep trying to gently explain to them the dangers of these foods but they like them and so they continue. (and they wonder why they are always sick) They buy tons of precessed foods and it drives me nuts!  My kids love it because they have pop tarts and honey nut o cereal and juice.  I grew up like that.  That may explain a lot!  Anyway...

I gained 1.4 lbs this week.  I was hoping to skip over that and maybe no one would notice I didn't post a weight this week.  but I need to be accountable for this to work so I am being honest with you and myself. But...

I am going to pick it all back up, shake it off and try to climb back up on the wagon.  And its hard, because it's still moving,.  Life is still moving forward and I don't want to wait too long here in the muck or else it will pass me by, and I don't want to get another hundred pounds over weight before the next wagon comes along.

SOOOO....to that end, I am going to accept this challenge (#2) and  I will aim for 6-8,000 steps because I think 10,000 on my first attempt to get moving might set me up for failure.  But, as she mentions, purposefully adding more movement of any kind is a step in the right direction.  I will say that I am not counting calories, though I do try to work in snacks evenly and they are healthy (usually).  I really like those little cutie oranges as well as a handful of nuts. 

I lift my morning smoothie...here's to a fresh start this week....back on the wagon.

ummm, what?

Oh my goodness!  I can't believe it!!  I just weighed in and I have lost 1.4 lbs this week!!!  I mentioned yesterday that I had a terrible week and I figured I would have gained.  So, I am wondering if somehow my scale is broken or what am I doing right????  So that puts me at an even 280 today.  With a weightloss of 7 lbs in a month (I think I have officially been at this for 4 weeks).  Not the 10lbs I was hoping for but with the slacking I did last week and how slow I feel I am getting motivated, I'd say it's pretty good. 

I also wanted to update on the weekly challenge from last week...I didn't do great this last week.  I ate out once at the Bell.  I didn't check calories at all but I also didn't over eat.  And other then the online supporters, I don't have anyone on this journey with me in real life.  My hubby is a great cheerleader though :)

This week's challenge is to change up my exercise.  Well, I for sure need to make sure TO exercise LOL.  I have been doing The Biggest Loser Cardio Max about every other day.  I just got our stationary bike out and so I am going to mix in that this week.  I haven't been able to go swimming yet because I have small children who can't be left alone and I don't do public childcare.  So, that will have to wait until hubby can be home a few evenings at a predictable time so I can go do a water aerobics class.

And as for the breakfasts...well, I already really like the smoothies I have been doing ( great ideas here).  But I also really like fresh fruit mixed with plain yogurt and drizzled with the tiniest bit of honey.  I will work on eating these this week and snacking better so I keep up this loss. 

My goal for the next month is going to be 10 lbs!  Wish me luck :)

Odds and Ends

I am just going to come out and say it...this week sucked!  I just was feeling icky.  Nothing in particular, just blah.  I didn't exercise every day, I didn't eat well at all, and I have been pretty cranky.  I just know I have gained back some weight and I am totally afraid to look.  I don't officially weigh until Tuesday so I have a day to pull it together and see if I can reverse the damage.  If I am lucky maybe I will at least maintain.

I need to get back to having smoothies for breakfast.  I just feel like I am hungry within an hour of drinking it so I get discouraged.  I know I need to just have an orange or some nuts to get me through, or more smoothie.  It is way better then cookies or candy.  But I just had an off week.  I know it will happen, but it's early in this process, I expected to make it a bit farther.

Also, we are in the thick of the Revolution around here, I will try to take pictures and post a few this week.  We are reading Johnny Tremain to go along with our study.

Oh, and I can't leave out the fact that LOST is back this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will have more to say about that later.

So, hopefully this will be a good week all the way around.

Resistance

So, my efforts to homeschool have been met with resistance lately.  I am a bit frustrated with that.  My kids have decided that they want to whine and fight me at every turn.  I just got back from that great conference and though the main topic was finding joy in Christ, the underlying topics were about raising kids to see the joy of Christ by modeling it and of course by modeling grace and compassion and I totally feel guilty now for making anyone do anything they don't want to or for punishing any form of resistance because would that be showing the grace and mercy that Christ shows us when we resist his teachings?

I want to show my kids the same mercies God shows me.  But I am not sure what that looks like.  I know He doesn't want me to just let everything get crazy around here with no respect for others.  So we talk about that and we make the kids apologize when they are mean and things, but when it comes to school, they resist.  And it is constant.  You would think after 5 and a half years we would know that this is how it is, but still no.  There is argument.  Especially from my 12 year old.  He starts it.  He thinks he doesn't have to do anything.  And many people will probably tell me to let up, change it up a bit.  Well, believe me, I do.  When he seems bored with worksheets I grab a computer game, when he gets bored with that we use board games or story books, we use all sorts of different methods and still he refuses.  I know it is a character issue.  He even refused to do a bible study my husband wanted to do with just the two of them.

How do we rein this back in after apparently failing to train him to do these things up to this point?  I mean, I never think I do a good job and of course think I have many failures but I thought we were doing a fine job of this character training.

I don't want a robot, but I also want respect.  And I want my son to love to learn and he just pouts, does bare minimum and fights me all the way. (and, to be honest, my husband just yells at him and commands him to respect and obey his mom. well, it's not working and I don't think that is the right approach.)

this is just a rant.  I have heard it all from my support group moms, but if anyone has a fresh idea, I'd love to hear it....especially if you've had a difficult 12 year old :)

weigh in

well, I lost 1.4 lbs this week.  I had of course hoped for more since I started working out this week, but since I didn't eat the best while away this weekend, I can see how I might not have lost much.  I am just happy I lost something.  So, I am continuing with the working out with the Biggest Losers Cardio max and eating smoothies for breakfast.  My salads for lunch haven't been working out because with in an hour of them I was so hungry I wanted to eat everything in site.  so I am still trying to com up with heathy lunch options or ideas on how to make the salad heartier but still healthy.  And I have been doing well on dinners which is somhow easier.  I think it is because I don't like to cook much at lunch time.  I want something fast and easy because we are homeschooling and the little one naps and I just feel like I don't want to cook a big meal and then again for dinner.

Anyway, unless I really ramp it up in the food restriction and excersize this week I probably won't make my goal of 10 lbs this month.  I have 4.4 lbs to go and I haven't lost that much in one week yet.  But I will keep plugging away and we will see what happens.

Go to Eclipsed for more weigh ins

things that make me go hmmm...

WOW I went to this conference this weekend and had an amazing time.  I learned so much and just love the time to refresh and refocus.  I have more I want to express about that later.  There are so many ideas and things in my head that I need some time to think through and get everything in line.

But I didn't eat very well while on my little retreat.  I mean, I didn't pig out or anything, we just ate out a couple times and I tried to make good choices, but I gave in and got fries once.  I did stop when I was full which was good.  But the choices weren't always the best.  Anyway, we will see.  I am back to it today and had a smoothie for breakfast.  An hour later I am feeling a bit hungry.  I need to go right now and do my workout because if I don't it will get pushed back and I know myself well enough to know it will end up undone.

 So, for this weeks challenge... well, I have found this great lady and we are kind of following each other for some encouragement and then there is a friend in real life I have been trying to get to join me, but she is hesitating because she wants a PLAN.  SO, while I work on her I will have to rely on you bloggers for support.  And I have done some eating out and not always making the healthier choice so this week I will plan on finding the healthiest choice as Kris suggests.  Of course I am also continuing to just loosely write down my eating to keep myself accountable and I am working out and hope to add a day or two of swimming this week.

Revolution!

So we have been working our way through American History with Homeschool in the Woods Time Travellers series.  It is a great program and we have loved it.  There are lots of projects and we can choose what fits our schedule as well as interest.  Starting Monday we began the American Revolution.  I love the Colonial period which we just finished. (and which technically isn't over since the revolution happened during that time, it is just broken up for ease) My twelve year old wasn't too interested in quilting bees, samplers and how they cooked the christmas goose.  But boy, my 9 year old daughter and I have had a blast!  She is still working on her sampler, maybe I will take a picture and post it this week. 

Anyway, I think Jordan will love what's coming because it is about WAR!  And what self respecting twelve year old boy doesn't like war?  We will discuss weapons and strategy, battles, strengths, weaknesses...makes ya feel like grunting and rolling in the mud doesn't it?  Well, I hope we learn a lot in the next few weeks.  Along with the history we have our regular "core" studies such as math, handwriting and language arts.  I am going to try something new for our bible studies.  I really slack in this area.  I mean, we pray, talk about bible stories and I do a lot of reading of bible stories from different kid bibles.  My favorite is The Jesus storybook bible.  So I got these individual studies for  boys and girls from here.  I'll be honest, I got them a while back but my kids don't really get this kind of thing.  I don't know how to impart to them that a lot of it is your opinion and how God is speaking to you and there isn't always a right answer.  My son Jordan really has a problem with this.  But we will work through it. 

I do feel like I slack in the christian ed portion of my schooling, and that is a huge reason we homeschool.  But somehow, just using biblical examples in math and copying scripture for handwriting isn't quite enough.  I am wondering... what do you use? and what have you loved?

weekly weigh in

So, I bought a new scale a couple of weeks ago when I decided to get serious about this.  I had an old one with the spinning dial and it said it went up to 300 lbs but I will tell you, it never weighed me properly.  My husband claimed it was fine for him (but upon using the new one he was shocked to have gained 20 lbs in 5 mins) So I am under the impression that being brand new, this scale is correct.  Am I wrong?  I mean, I will weigh myself one day and get totally different numbers.  I know weight can fluctuate in a day, even over several days but as of yesterday I was holding steady on my weight and today I show loss.  Today is my official weigh in day so I of course am glad the number is lower today, but I am a bit nervous that maybe my scale is not really correct.  I am going to just go with it for now (since it's going down hehe).  Today I show 282.8 so that is 2.2lbs lost this week.  I am hoping that the addition of actually working out this week will give me a big number next week. 

I had been over here and noticed she has broken down her weighloss into smaller chunks each month and put them on her sidebar.  What a great idea!!!  I look at 100lbs and think there is no way I can do that.  but if I look at 8 lbs this month, well that certainly is doable.  WOW!  That has changed my life, seriously!  I was already struggling with the enormity and the fear of failure that I was not really giving this my all.  I was already falling because who wants to start climbing a mountain when they can't even see the top?  But now, I just need to make it up this small incline.  I should know this stuff but sometimes I just get in my way.

So, I am going to take this simple idea and run with it.  I am making smaller goals so I can make it through.  The first is that I have already lost 4.2 lbs this month and would like to lose 10 total this month. I am almost halfway there!

See Eclipsed for more weigh ins.

menu

I don't think I am doing anything profound or fancy but since I like to know what others are eating (especially while losing weight) I figured I would post about my meals.

Mon-Tonight we are having some salmon.  My parents went to Alaska and caught these themselves and we have had a bunch in our freezer.  I don't love it.  But I can tolerate it.  Maybe I need a good recipe hehe.  And with that I am serving some brown rice.  I make the rice by sauteing the dry rice with some olive oil, onion and garlic, oh and celery if I have it.  then I put it in a pot with the right amount of veggie stock and simmer for 30 mins or more til tender.  And I will probably make frozen peas cause my kids love them (an I will be lucky to get anyone to eat the salmon)

Tues- We will have hamburgers made with the beef from a quarter steer we bought last year.  We know where it cam from and what it was fed and how it died.  I love that! With this I will make some big chunky fries (which I will only have a couple of) by cutting some yukon gold potatoes into 8ths and sticking them in a bag with some olive oil and Mrs Dash.  shake it up and lay out on a cookie sheet or 9x13 pan.  bake for 30-45 mins.  I have some corn on the cob from last summers farmers market that will be added as well.

Wed- BLT's on homemade bread with all natural bacon made without nitrates and nitrites.  we will have some carrot and orange bell pepper spears and maybe a fruit salad

Thurs- I will make a crustless quiche.  I start by sauteing olive oil, onion, garlic, til tender then add a few chopped mushrooms.  when they are soft I add a couple of big handfuls of spinach.  cook til it wilts then put that in a pie dish.  I sprinkle that with some feta cheese and then whisk 5 eggs with a dash of milk pour over the cheese and bake.  I think it's 350 for 45 mins. then I will whip up some home made biscuits (for the kids and hubby).

Fri- I will be gone for dinner (at a conference for Christian mothers) but will thaw some homemade chili I had left last week.(I cooked the beans and everything!) for the family. Not sure what I will be eating while at the conference.  I probably won't be great but I will try to have portion control and pick wisely what to eat.

I will post more here about other menus as I go.  I like to make my own homemade refried beans and we do eat a lot of beans around here :)  They use butter and are very good and easy.  And I make bread once or twice a week.  I need to cut back on the amount I eat, but it is whole wheat and I know all the ingredients so I know my family is getting good things to eat.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I will be planning on making smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch (though I was starving not long after today's so we will see what I can do to help ramp it up tomorrow).  I would love to know what kinds of things others are eating on this quest for health and weightloss...

well, screaming toddler at my feet means time to go make dinner

weekly challenge

I did ok on recording my food last week, but with a couple sick days for me and everyone else, I kind of lost a couple of days.  I got back to writing it down but sadly we didn't eat well this week.  Mostly it was a fend for yourself, eat whatever you can keep down kind of week and so it was hard.  I snacked, and ate things I shouldn't, and didn't pay much attention to my eating.

SO, this week I am determined to make this happen!  I still am focusing on whole, natural foods.  I am going to make myself smoothies for breakfast M-F.  The kids will either eat smoothies with me or homemade granola.  I plan to have a salad for lunch.  Kids will get their normal stuff (sandwiches, burritos, carrots, apples).  Dinners I will make for the family with whole foods and natural ingredients ( I can post a menu later if anyone cares).  Snacks will be raw nuts, fruits and veggies.  Again, making sure to control portions will be a big focus, as well as snacking on the good foods (there are no more Christmas cookies, Carmel corn, or treats of any kind in this house) the closest we come is some trail mix which has some chocolate in it.  But I am considering that an ok snack because I will crave the chocolate if I don't get it and I hope this helps keep me from devouring a pan of brownies or something :)

For this weeks challenge I am definitely starting a workout time every morning (M-F) I was going to start with 15 mins and work my way up but since Kris asked for 30, I will start there.  I have an old workout video with some bands that I am going to do.  I may try to find The Biggest Loser jumpstart video if I am out.

I have already started to blog my journey and am starting to touch on some of my "issues".  I will continue to do that.

I plan on this week being a great week and I plan on having a big number to report at the end of it!

CONFESSION

I have been wanting to write this post all week but with the sickness hitting I just didn't get to it til now. 

I was watching The Biggest Loser on Tuesday night and when it got to the part where Jillian had to eat some of the food the Orange team ate, I recognized many of those things.  They are from that fast food place with the big BELL in its logo, you know, they serve tacos and other Mexican fair.  Well, then Jillian starts looking at that stuff with this disgusted look and when she eats it she gags and throws up!  (Part of me wonders if that is a bit staged or over dramatized on her part for effect.)  But then it hits me, as she is saying how could these people eat like this, it isn't even food, that I LOVE fast food.  Jillian is saying how can they eat it and I am thinking, 'cause it's good. 

I am a fast food junkie.  I like to cook with whole foods and eat natural sugars and then, let;s say, on Friday we go out for lunch or Sunday after church we grab a quick bite, or even a Tuesday night when we have been on a field trip and I am tired we pick up Chik-fil-a for a treat and because "it's better then McD" right? Is it?  But I kind of like the McD and the Bell and many others.  I know they aren't good for me, but it's not like I eat there every day right? Oh, and I couldn't even pretend I was doing well by ordering the fruit cup or the yogurt or something else masquerading as healthy, no I have to have the fries and the burgers with the sauces, cause it's a treat, and if I am already eating here, I might as well indulge, right?  Yeah, indulged my way right up to over 280 lbs I did.

Well, I am watching Jillian get sick and thinking, what does she eat?  Doesn't she ever get cravings for anything bad for you?  What is her idea of indulging?  I mean, I know what healthy eating looks like, for a day or two, but I don't always feel like eating a slice of grilled chicken and a salad with lemon juice squeezed on it.  I know there are many ways to make healthy low calorie foods with out it being boring, but I like the way the junkie foods taste and if the option is a big mac or a grilled chicken breast, I want the mac. And for someone addicted to fast food it is a lot of work to plan and fix those healthy meals and make sure those snacks are on hand and though I don't like the excuse of not being able to get the kids to eat it, sometimes they just won't eat it.  And so I am a little on edge because even a week and a half in and I want some of the food from that Bell place.  MMMM I could go for some right now....

But I digress....

ok, so what to do?  I guess right now I really don't know.  I have been working on this for so long, my whole life, and I am tired.  I am tired of having to think about it.  I hate that every waking moment is consumed with what will the next meal be.  I have to shop for the food and prepare the food and eat the food and clean up the food and store the food and I have to do it every single day.  And I am tired.

I used the word addicted back there.  I guess that is the thing.  Right there in black and white.  Addiction. Hmmm, maybe that is another post. 

For now I will leave it at this.... this is a long hard road, and it won't be easy.  Lots of changes to come. I pray I can break the hold that fast food has on me and that I can truely enjoy some of the healthier options.

ICK

well, we have all been sick this week.  with a stomache bug.  SO, not much has gotten done around here.  Very little schooling, not much cooking, or eating for that matter.  Today is clean up day now that everyone seems to be feeling better.  I have a bit of a lingering headache but that could just be a bit of dehydration.  I am drinking lots of water.  Along with clean up will be looking at what foods we have and what is needed to get back on track after a long week of piecing together food for whoever was up to eating at the time.  Then on to the store.

Weekly weigh in

I have been giving my eating habits a concentrated effort for one week now and I am glad to say I lost 2 lbs.  I did have some times of weakness but overall I reduced my portion sizes, opted for fruit over cookies sometimes, and am making this process a priority.  I think it was a pretty good week.  This coming week I was hoping to add some movement into my days but I now have a sick kid and expect the others to follow.  so I think I will concentrate on maintaining and surviving the week.  I guess the upside if I do get sick would be not eating, maybe I will lose more this week LOL.

See how others are doing over at Eclipsed